Submissive in Seattle

My anaconda don’t want none?

My anaconda don’t want none?

My laptop charger died last week and I just got it replaced yesterday (ok, the day before yesterday, and I’ve been procrastinating. Shit, this is taking forever to write, let’s just say Thursday. I got a new cord on Thursday.).

Being without my computer for the better part of a week sucked , cause there were a ton of cool things I wanted to comment on. But, also because I have this burning confession to make.

I can not lie, I like big butts.

Not just butts, but, also bodacious breasts. I like pale skin, freckles, red hairluscious lips, and though, I never used to look at legs until I saw lethal weapon 2, but you can add those as well. My point is I’m not exactly Captain Body-Positive saying “everyone is beautiful.” Still, around my house I feel like I am obligated to be the voice of body positivism, or whatever you call it.

Often when watching television one of my roommates will remark on the appearance of a woman on TV. Sometimes going so far as to say “Gross,” I’m not talking about some meth head hooker getting arrested for selling 6 dollar blowjobs on cops.

(Which, while I’m on the subject, How bad do you have to be at masturbating when before that sounds like a good deal?)

I’m talking about women in commercials or minor characters on shows. None of these people look gross, it’s ridiculous, everyone on TV is fucking gorgeous. What the hell are you talking about?

For example, there guys are supposedly nerds

Now there are plenty of women out there that I’m told are supposed to be wicked hot, one who make top 100 most sexiest sexy ladies lists, and I just don’t care, they just don’t do that much for me, but I’m not about to say that they are gross.

On the other hand, whilst watching The Bachelor, (ugh) the other day with the rest of my household and their girlfriends. (remember I didn’t have a laptop, and my XBox is on the fritz too) I did say that Courtney’s eyebrows would be a deal breaker for me, even if she wasn’t a despicable human being.

Did she over do it with the tweezers or something?

I do judge, I’m not perfect by any means, but Sometimes I feel like I’m not as visually oriented as “I’m supposed to be.”

Examples: I could go with the fact that I fell hard for a girl none of the other guys thought was attractive, but I’m tired of talking about a long dead relationship. So, new story.

Before I moved to Seattle I worked at this drive-thru coffee joint. I took a job working the graveyard shift. The first fifteen minutes of my shift, plus the five-ten minutes I get there early I spent with whoever worked swing shift. Most often, it was one of two ladies, who we’re going to call Sweet Dee and Artemis

Sweet Dee was tall and skinny, covered in tattoos and generally looked not unlike a Suicide girls model (only wearing, you know, clothes.) Artemis was short, stocky and had an inexplicable tendency to wear shirts that were too short, exposing her, uh, plentiful, midrift.

Now maybe it’s because its because I’ve been single for so very, very long, or maybe I just have an over active imagination, but often when getting to know a woman, even if I’m not interested in her, I think about the possibility of a relationship and what it would look like.

Sweet Dee was easier to talk to early on, we had some common interests, and maybe I am less than demanding that someone be interesting, when they’re attractive. However, as time went on, I noticed that Artemis was better at her job, like so much better, that I started to dread Sweet Dee’s Days.

Plus, Artemis and I read some of the same books, and she was just better at conversation. After a while, I started to think occasionally what it would be like to date her.

Any way… long story short, If I had to say, hook up, with either of my former co-workers, I’d go with Artemis, even though physically, she isn’t my type at all.

From what I gather, this is unusual for a guy.

Which is bizarre to me, for example, if Sir Mixalot met his absolute soul mate, someone who was right for him in every single way, except she had a tiny pancake ass, would his anaconda still want nothing to do with it?

5 thoughts on “My anaconda don’t want none?

  1. DD

    I cannot speak for Sir Mixalot’s anaconda.
    I can only report my own experiences as a semi-oblivious woman.
    When I was single (if I can recall that far back) I think I was sort of mid-range attractive physically (I say I was a 6-7, my honey says 8 but I think he’s biased) and I know I was outside the type of some of the guys who were interested in me but I ended up marrying a man who was into pale gingers with some junk in the trunk.

    I think appearance is just one item in a list for most people. The truly shallow just have a very short list.

  2. Lady Donovan

    I’m a very visual creature…well being, okay alien, whatever. So yes, physical attraction helps when it comes to getting my attention. But that’s all it does. It gets my attention. If you’re daft as brick, too pessimistic, or have a worldview too foreign in comparison to mine, I’m off like Speed Racer. Albeit without the corny catchphrases (okay, maybe one or two, for the sake of it).

    Part of me wonders though, “How many people have I missed out on because I just didn’t find them attractive enough to garner my attention?”

    There’s probably a few in there. Do I regret it? Not really no. How was I supposed to know that person was the best personality match for me since (whole wheat) sliced bread? They could have just as easily been a miss or a hit, physicality aside.

    Though there are some people who aren’t my type, but that I grew to be attracted to anyway. Sexuality is funny like that.

    Also, redheads are just alright. Blonde is where it’s at.

    Lady D

  3. Unrepentant

    I think the reason it’s ususual is because many guys immediately discount women they don’t instantly find attractive. For example, I’m a fat woman and therefore considered “gross” by the majority of folks, and therefore completely invisible to most guys. No matter how well or even loudly I am dressed, no matter if my hair is dyed bright blue, people (particularly guys) seem almost literally unable to see that I am in front of them. Plus, I think many people must not really ever rethink their first impressions; once they’ve made that first snap decision that someone is unattractive, they don’t really take the time to go back and reevaluate after getting to know them. That’s just a guess though.

    I used to have a submissive who told me he had no real physical preference when it came to women; it wasn’t looks that attracted him, it was dominance. I didn’t believe him at first, I thought he was ust bullshitting to look like a nice guy. Turns out he was for real, and there are guys like that. Who’dve thunk it? ; )

  4. Pingback: Treading old ground « Submissive in Seattle

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