I started this blog ten years ago. At the time I was sharing an apartment with three bro-y Christian dudes, and had no one in my life with whom I could talk-through everything going through my head (and pants).
It seems to me that a lot of guys end up in a place in their life like that. Young men with no one in their life with whom they can be honest about who they are and what they are going through. Something about the way we socialize boys trains us to target weakness in others and teaches us that revealing vulnerability will inevitably lead to pain and rejection.
Fuck that.
Not long before I started this blog I worked the graveyard shift at a 24 hour coffee stand. I met a lot of different folks, and many of them hung around to visit. It’s difficult to get much human interaction when you work those kinds of hours. That, along with the liminal space of the city at night led to a number of pretty personal conversations.
One customer that stands out was this older guy, a semi-regular for a while, who I eventually recognized because I’m pretty sure his daughter had been in my church youth group. When we got chatting, I think he thought I was gay at first. (Pandora internet radio had decided I was already, as I listened to a lot of high-tempo pop and dance music to stay awake.) He sort of flirted with me giving me small compliments–never overt, but that was the vibe I got off of him.
I am pretty sure I gave an oblique acknowledgement of my (at the time) heteroflexible-curiousness at some point early on. The details of the conversation are long gone from my goldfish brain, but the essence was that it was easier to be queer these days than when he was young. He didn’t actually say he was gay or bi, but he did say something like “I’m 55 years all I want to do is get fucked by someone.” All of this painted a picture that has stuck with me. A possible future for me, unable to reconcile religious and societal expectations of masculinity and my individual sexual desire and identity.
I’ve figured out who I am and found a way to live the life I want to live, seemingly avoiding that possible future. I have to credit a great deal of my development to my fiancée and owner, but also to a number of very open and supportive dominant women. I received a lot of guidance from femdoms who were never going to benefit personally for nurturing a blossoming malesub. My owner Chaos has, in addition to being a loving and supportive partner, functioned as my teacher, therapist, and sole source of emotional support.
That is a lot of responsibility to put on one person. It’s common though for men to rely on their wives for nearly all of their emotional support. Only a third of American adults in therapy are men. Only about sixty-percent of men with depression seek help. The reason it’s not the Golden Guys, is that men who outlive their wives don’t live as long.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that men often are a lot of “work” to partner with, and Submissive men are no different. It doesn’t matter if you’re partner seeking or not, we all could be better versions of ourselves. We can be better men and better submissives. We can be more open, more giving, and less demanding devotee’s to our dominants. And we can do the work to get to our best selves together.
Which brings me to: The Good Boys Club!
A few weeks ago, Ms. Pearl bullied me and some other subby guys on twitter to build a discord for malesub mutual support. We have gotten it up and running with a lot of great work from the mod team, like @chase who made this nifty banner and programmed robots to do our bidding.
What we’re aiming for is a comfortable space for sharing our struggles and achievements, tips and knowledge that we’ve picked up. We want to provide a space for conversations with other men who might not have anyone in their life that won’t judge them for their desires. The group is 18+ for everyone’s safety, and welcoming to anyone masculine of center and generally interested in taking the submissive role in a D/s relationship. If you feel like that’s you, I want to invite you to join, as questions, share stories, and help develop camaraderie among submissive guys all over.