So I’ve been hanging out on reddit a bit, and it’s been pointed out that it’s not really the place to be for body-positive or sex positive thought. But there are some absolutely wonderful threads on sex too. And then there are things that catch me by surprise, like this thread about someone’s boyfriend who really hates his own semen.
The other night after sex, I made a comment to my boyfriend about how his jizz smelled unusually good. His reaction was essentially “Ewww that’s disgusting! No, it smells awful and is gross and I don’t understand how you could think that.”
Tonight, he made a comment as I was going down on him after we’d had sex earlier that day about how I might not want to do that since it would taste all “vagina-y”. Obviously I did anyway.
After we were done, I asked him about it and he said “well, I would never want to go down on you with my stuff all there” and went on about how semen is completely disgusting. I brought up that I didn’t think other men felt the same way and he said “well if they don’t hate their own cum then they’re freaks!”
This is unusual right guys? I get not really enjoying your own fluids, but hating them that much?
That reminded me that I never mentioned cleaning up after oneself, on my fetish breakdown post. So without volunteering too much on the subject, I’ll say that I’m fairly amenable to the idea. Furthermore, I don’t quite get why this is such a big deal for anyone.
I’m aware that culturally were told that this sort of thing is gross, but I’m pretty certain that most men don’t make it through puberty without catching a little “friendly fire” either as an accident, out of curiosity or plain adolescent stupidity. So if you’ve already had a taste, and it didn’t kill you or turn you gay cause you’re having sex with a woman right now, what in the hell is the matter?
Well, I don’t think it’s so much culturally ingrained disgust of semen as it is disgust (also culturally ingrained), of slimy, sticky, gooey stuff. And of course, the “it makes you gay!!” factor compounds it.
There are many women too who don’t like swallowing. I also remember the first time I went down on a girl, I had to fight a bit to keep myself from gagging, even though I had always found the idea of oral sex very hot.
I do find the “cleaning up after myself” idea quite erotic, but I don’t know if I’ll throw up when made to do it… It’s a bit complicated like that. Maybe I should ease myself in by varying the quantity…
Yeah, I don’t get folk who don’t enjoy oysters or anything else wonderful because of consistency either.
What was the matter down there that you were gagging? That doesn’t sound good.
If you really haven’t ever gotten a taste, well it’s hardly terrible, but I get that diving in loses its appeal post orgasm.
I saw another post a long while back about a lady whose boyfriend/sub wanted to be forced to clean up, but afterwards would always back out. I figure it’s like pulling of a band-aid better to do it all at once, so I think a decent strategy would be to have the sub tied to the bed, and she can just sit on his face post-coitus, forcing him to do it whether he likes it or not.
really? i mean, what i find gross, is that people can’t accept their own bodies. yes semen usually dosn’t taste like icecream (that would actually be nice :P) and if somebody doesn’t want to “clean up” or so if it can be avoided, fair enough. but finding it totally disgusting and utterly disturbing and not wanting to get in contact with it no matter in what circumstance? so if a girl goes down on them, and swallows, they don’t kiss her until she brushed her teeth? really? grow up, guys!!
i do swallow (disclaimer: i only do it, if i know that person has no STDs). i am not too fond of taste or consistency, but guess what? In that very moment i don’t give a shit. because the enjoyment of the situation as a whole is waaay more important. but i also expect my partner not to give a shit if he accidentally gets in contact with his own cum.
sorry, but people really need to grow up and get more at ease with their bodies and not listen so much to “what society tells you”. Do you have a brain? judge for yourself what is right and what is wrong. start actively thinking instead of regurgitating societies opinion (which often enough has nothing to do with opinions of individuals)
sorry for that rant. and just for the record: i am not referring to somebody in particular.
I agree, I mean it’s fine to have limits and all but I really don’t see the big deal with it, it’s hardly different that saliva, or anything else.
What I want to know is: why is anyone letting this get in the way of pleasing their partner?
“What I want to know is: why is anyone letting this get in the way of pleasing their partner?”
yes, exactly that! really when i see the (good) reactions of my partner, what does that matter???
Maybe because they really hate the taste and smell and see no sense in it? There’s such a thing as wipes. As to semen equalling saliva in content and origin, I beg to differ. It may both originate from the body, but while saliva is meant to be tasted and swallowed, semen sure isn’t.
Why would someone who professes to love me expect me to ingest something which doesn’t taste well and smells awkward? What in that pleases?
Why would someone who professes to love me expect me to ingest something which doesn’t taste well and smells awkward? What in that pleases?
Because they find it arousing, there are all sorts of things about it that one might find hot.
This post however, is about why a man would refuse to taste his own ejaculate if requested. Perhaps it’s just me, and the fact that I really want to be told what to do, but it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.
I noticed who it was about. I was asking because of::
“sorry, but people really need to grow up and get more at ease with their bodies and not listen so much to “what society tells you”. Do you have a brain? judge for yourself what is right and what is wrong. start actively thinking instead of regurgitating societies opinion (which often enough has nothing to do with opinions of individuals)”
Given that by now there are teenagers (queer and hetero ones) who get pressured into giving BJs, into swallowing and into accepting facials and who deeply resent all this, but put up with it because else they “don’t get a BF/GF” or are otherwise ostracized and ridiculed by their peers I find such statements – very bewildering.
I see, you were replying to m’s comment originally, that makes a lot more sense.
Generally I don’t understand the extreme distaste people display for certain activities, because so much of what drives my sexuality is a desire to please and be pleasing. But as I originally said in response to m, is that it’s fine to have limits, but it’s not something that would bother me, nor would I let it get in the way of pleasing my partner.
This here reply architecture has me a tiny bit frazzled 😉 Sorry!
Look, as a woman I have my period every month, it’s perfectly natural and it’s part of my body. But if anyone were to suggest I drink or lick my menstrual blood and went into a convoluted rage over my refusal (which would be 100% firm!) and accuse me of hating my body or being repressed, I’d say that person should look for other entertainment. I sure would be done with them. That bloke reads like he’s having a similar reaction, but isn’t verbose enough. I’d respect instead of harangue him. Where’s the problem?
I don’t swallow either. Not even the come of the most adored and beloved partner. I dislike the taste, I dislike the texture, I dislike the smell. It’s semen, meant to be injected into a vagina to procreate. It’s not produced by the body to be ingested by anyone, so I see no reason why I have to like taste/smell/consistency enough to ingest. It’s not veggies which are good for you and you have to have them. I don’t attach any taboos to it and I don’t run and scrub under the shower if splashed. It’s just not something I want in my mouth or want to swallow. I wouldn’t want to eat the bogeys out of my lovers’ noses either or their vomit, which both also would be quite normal bodily emissions.
Yes, my totally taboo-less dogs (two labs, not human pets, in case someone misinterprets) have no problem licking and eating up just about anything the other of them sheds, but then they also all the time have each other’s infections and stomach troubles. As with anything there are reasons for certain taboos. Limiting the danger of infection is certainly at the base of the one cautioning us against ingestion of too wide an array of body fluids.
As to pleasing the partner, I’m just a simple sadist, I don’t attach any value to what a partner overcomes to please me and I respect his likes and dislikes. On the turnaround I expect a partner to also respect my preferences, preferably without huge discussion or passive-aggressiveness. So far I’ve been fortunate in this.
What is very amusing is that all that to-do about swallowing and someone “not repressed and accepting their body without taboos” would swallow etc etc is actually the reverse of what it is claimed to be:
Without any taboo attached, which gets broken when ejaculate is swallowed, it simply wouldn’t matter any which way!
Or in other words, the act of swallowing is only meaningful (and thus proof of loving or servitude) as long as it is breaking a taboo. Once you take that taboo out of the equation the ejaculate becomes simply some bodily emission which can be judged according to basic taste, smell, consistency and likelihood of being infectious. Right then it shouldn’t matter in any different way to either emittor or receptor. There will be no pleasure attached to having something swallowed which is of no consequence.
In addition to the aforementioned homophobia, I think there’s another reason this sort of thing is taboo, which is a little more subtle. Once bodily fluids have left our body, they’re no longer have any ownership over them, and so we often find them disgusting. Take, for example, saliva. We swallow it all the time without a thought. Yet most people would balk at the idea of spitting their saliva into a cup and then drinking it.
I have a fairly substantial fetish for semen which I think comes from the fact that as a cis female, my body is incapable of producing it. So I find it fascinating. I enjoy playing with it on my lover’s chest after making him come, or making him swallow it, or sometimes dumping it on his face and watching it drip down his cheeks. I also like it because it’s proof–proof that I gave someone an orgasm, and thus, in my mind, proof of my power over them. 😉 And what kind of scientist would I be if I didn’t like proof?
That’s a good point, it’s odd that the saliva that was unremarkable when it was sitting in your mouth thirty seconds ago became something disgusting once you spit it out.
I also like it because it’s proof–proof that I gave someone an orgasm
I’ve always assumed that’s the underlying reason why there is such a fixation on cum and cumshots in pornography, it’s proof that orgasm was achieved, and gives the (presumably male) viewer a visual representation of the pleasure they’re trying to achieve.
Yes. Plus, it’s a goal, something to shoot for (no pun intended) that indicates “Okay, we’re done here.” A problematic outlook.
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Anything goes as long as BOTH partners are ok with it.. I would love to suck my semen out of my lovers you know whats!!
This comment made me laugh out loud,