If you weren’t already aware a SAM is a Smart-assed masochist and right now I’m wondering if I am one, or rather am I going to be one? and whether or not that is a bad thing. Obviously whether it’s good or bad would depend on my partner, I know some Dommes won’t play with brats and it seems like a Sam could get annoying pretty quickly.
I wonder since I am a masochist and I am a smart ass, (which of the two most common types of ass is I think the better choice.) but will those two parts of my personality come together at the same time?
I'm sure I'll think things like this, but will I say them out loud?
At first I think I would be so absurdly happy to be in a D/s relationship that it wouldn’t show. BDSM is for me a sexual thing and I’ve never been inclined to pull faces or make jokes during sexy times in the past. That and how I feel about submission, how excited I am at the prospect of having someone to please and obey seems to point towards me not being a SAM.
On the other hand, I’ve got a rather dry and sarcastic sense of humor, which is more likely to come out when I’m comfortable with someone, so perhaps after a while my smart-assed-ness would begin to shine through. Especially since I have always had a tendency to react in opposition to peoples moods, around grumpy people I’m chipper, during serious discussion I keep thinking of jokes. If you’re sullen I want to to make you smile, if you’re bubbly I want you to turn it down a notch. So if my Domme is very serious about BDSM and very focused on maintaining a certain dignity, I might begin to feel the irresistible urge to tease her, which might make her unhappy.
And heaven help me if I ever find that I can goad my Domme into hitting me harder, or tying me tighter, or… “Hey you call that a blowjob?”
I see this and think "I can earn spankings just by eating junk food late at night? where's the Nutella?"
*laugh* You are a sweetheart and would not be with someone who wasn’t able to deal with your smart-arsery. Honestly, I cannot imagine you reacting to a serious “Stop it now” with anything other than a sincere “Yes, Ma’am.”
For me and mine, it’s about knowing where the line is, and learning not to cross it.
If she is right for you, it will work.
Ferns
Does it still count as a sincere “Yes ma’am.” if I can’t stop a cheeky smile from peeking out?
*smile* Absolutely it does!
Ferns
In that case I think I’m going to be alright.
I am a terrible smart ass myself and gravitate to the company of other smart asses. That cleverness and quickness of wit tends to be part of a package I find very appealing and enjoyable. I think laughter and fun is an important and delightful aspect of sex, kinky games, and romance.There have been a few times though when I have not appreciated the WAY that trait has been displayed in relation to kinky play.
The fact is that everyone is going to have areas they don’t want teased about. If you know that and purposefully push those buttons anyway, whether you are a masochist or not, you are being an asshat and you should stop. Smart-assery is no excuse for ass-hattery.
You know that saying, “Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins”? There is a correlation here. Responsible fist swinging and caring smart-assery means you are mindful of where the other person is and you alter your behavior to be respectful of them. Humor doesn’t ameliorate hurt and “I was just joking” doesn’t restore confidence.
A couple years ago my honey and I ended up home alone for several hours unexpectedly. We decided to take advantage of the moment and pulled out our box of toys. I had tied his wrists but when I went to tie his ankles I found I had a huge knot to deal with. After a bit he offered to call the boy scouts or a bosun, we laughed, I used his pants on one ankle and the knotted mess on the other, and we were off!
I share that to point out that if I were highly invested in feeling hyper-competent about my rope wrangling skills and quite sensitive on the subject— that comment would have felt much different to me, but I’m not, and he knows that. He wasn’t jabbing me. He wasn’t casting aspersions on my competency; he was pointing out the humor in a situation. We were scrambling in a flurry of last-minute glee to get our game while the opportunity was available so of course there were knots, Murphy’s law.
Every person has their own areas of sensitivity and if you poke them where they are sore then you are not being funny, you are being mean. This is something I remind myself of frequently because causing hurt in the name of humor can be something I do far too easily and excuse far too easily as well. With great humor comes great responsibility.
That’s a good point, and I don’t see myself as likely to taunt and tease a point of sensitivity. The only way I really think my smart-assery is gong to cause problem is if she hasn’t got a sense of humor, or even just finds that humor is counter productive in reaching a dominant head-space.
Yah,
women with no sense of humor should probably not be on your list anyway
:p
If she hasn’t got a sense of humor we aren’t going to get far enough for mine to be a problem.
However, in some situations I sort of lose my sense of humor and don’t react well to other people’s jocularity, So I could understand if she simply couldn’t mix sexy times and silliness. If that were the case I would have to try very hard to behave, because the voice in my head would be pointing out everything funny about the situation.
“Just shove me against a wall and fuck me already”…describes exactly how I am feeling today.
It is sort a background current to all my thoughts everyday.
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