First off, stop reading my blog and go read this amazing post here, on Delving into Deviance about performative gender roles and BDSM. Dev, if you didn’t know, also wrote The Devaluation of Male Submission which kicked off a whole bunch of dialogue that has made it easier for me to embrace my kinky self.
When you’re done please come back and read my blatherings too.
Good, you’re back.
Anyway, few weeks ago I finally got around to seeing The Dark Knight Rises, there are going to be some minor spoilers in this post, but I figure if you haven’t seen it yet, you probably don’t care.
I guess ruling Genovia didn’t work out so well
In the film Anne Hathaway takes her turn as Catwoman, or properly since comic book movies don’t use code-names, Selina Kyle. Watching the film I was surprised and struck by how domme-ly she seemed. Even though I was aware that in the past the character has been written as a former Dominatrix and even though I’ve seen dudes list Julie Newmar and Michelle Pfeiffer’s portrayals as contributing factors to their interest in kink.
While my first impression of the character with her cupidity, rough treatment of men, and very tight clothing struck me as Domme-ly, I quickly realized that at no point does she express any sort of desire for control, or pleasure at having it. She wants freedom and comfort, and that’s it. She doesn’t really fit as a Domme, However she is every inch the cultural idea of a Dominatrix.
I think this is an important distinction to make, not that a Dominatrix is not a Domme, though she may or may not choose to pursue control in her personal life. But certainly that most dominant women are not Dominatrices (indeed, they might become quite offended by the very suggestion.)
I think that the ideas we as a culture have about Dominatrices should be separated forthwith from what we think about dominant women, since most of those ideas are really about fantasy fulfillment, which is the realm of the dominatrix. We might then leave other dominant women peacefully to the business of being in charge of their romantic relationships and go bother women getting paid for it with the business of our fantasy fulfillment.
If you think about, in some ways Dommes are more like cats than Catwoman.
There are undoubtedly a number of ideas about dominatrices we ought to disabuse ourselves of as well. Pro-dommes aren’t really my thing, of course. I mean I work in the service industry, I know a thing or two about making people think I like them so they will give me money. So while I think that Catwoman makes a pretty good model for a dominatrix (or vise versa) being that their image and necessary roughness are both designed to bring them profit, I do think they ought to be treated like people, obviously.
Interestingly, while preparing to write this I listened to an episode of Masocast (which in turn was posted in reply to a number of reddit posts that had gotten me thinking about pro-dommes in the first place.) One of the two guests (both Pro-Dommes but I never quite got which name went with which voice) stated that her biggest fantasy was just to be employed 24/7 as someone’s Mistress. Which struck me as being uncomfortably similar to my fantasies of comfortable slavery. It is interesting to me that we both fantasize about not having to worry about work, or bills or anything, but from different sides of the slash.
While I might fantasize about being purchased by an independently wealthy woman to serve as her slave, this Pro-domme fantasizes about being hired by an independently wealthy individual to dominate and beat the snot out of them. Ahh, if only we lived in a post wealth society perhaps it might be easier for both of us to have our fantasies enacted.
First of all, Batman as a submissive: YES! But then I think you might be able to argue that about all superheroes to an extent.
In fact, the thing that pisses me off above all other things in kink is the way there is so little softness and humanity within the ideal of the domme/dominatrix. And that the fantasy wankers cannot see this, though I suppose they’re no different to people who would dehumanise vanilla pornstars in the same way. In the real world, people get sick, go through emotional/social/financial trouble and live normal lives. I think that raising awareness about this is really important. D/s need to subtly shift and change with the rise and fall of real life. Some days I might feel scratchy and bitey but on others I just want my belly rubbed. I don’t think that has to lessen the dynamic but I think people need to look at it in a different way: just because a woman isn’t wielding a riding crop and gagging her partner every night doesn’t make her less dominant. Sometimes being submissive is just about being there and offering a back rub. While the vinyl clad fantasy is fun, reality is much woolier and warmer and I think, more romantic.
The certainly is something masochistic about superhero work, indeed some of the background in Alan Moore’s Watchmen dealt with the probability that someone drawn to costume hero-ing might also be into BDSM (The book, of course not the film.)
The thing is people constantly constantly conflating every aspect of BDSM together. So while a domme might be feeling less sadistic, or toppish or even just less kinky, doesn’t diminish her ability to take control and demand those belly rubs.
What should be obvious is that one doesn’t need the visual trapping or the elaborate motions to retain dominance. It’s not as if subs are just waiting to break free, and as soon as you’ve misplace your whip they’re going to be out the door.
Similarly laying still while snuggled in bed so you remain the perfect pillow can be every bit as submissive as touching your toes and taking it hard, more so even since, being a good pillow is probably lower on most subs fantasy lists.
Thank you for the cat picture, it made me smile on a grey day. I think you understand dominants well 🙂
I think that so long as we as a society objectify women’s sexuality – and by that I mean reduce sexual women to one dimensional human beings rather than complex people with needs, feelings, opinions, personalities – dominant women will continue to be reduced to this dominatrix stereotype.
(also, I have made a couple of comments on your blog as Rougemarie, but as of half an hour ago I’m giving blogging about this business a try)
I think that so long as we…reduce sexual women to one dimensional human beings rather than complex people with needs, feelings, opinions, personalities – dominant women will continue to be reduced to this dominatrix stereotype.
I agree, but at the same time I think we reduce most people down to the simplest caricature of them that we can hold in our heads. I think that most of the time it’s almost necessary to do so, since our brains can only hold so many people and we need to remember only the most important details about them.
The big problem is applying this heuristic poorly, or past the point where it is needed. Treating our partners or people we’re interested in with less care than we should. So a fellow looking for a dominant partner should be as considerate of any woman he contacts to begin with as he would be if she were his partner, which is so simple it is bizarre that it doesn’t happen more often.
Excited for the new blog, I’ll be following along.
Sorry. Did not read words. Was busy looking at Catwoman. Rawr. Or maybe Meow. Meowr? Whatever. I need that outfit.
Also, I’m apparently the reincarnation of a LOLcat.
I think properly it’s written as Meowrrrr, and that triple R is then rolled, which I can barely do. It is quite the outfit, I expect there should be some to be had for Halloween at least.