Cha-cha-changes pt 2b: More Chastity

Part 2b in bringing my blog up to speed with my life —  Where we are with chastity now, felt like it needed its own post. You can read the last one here.

Chaos and I have been quietly playing with chastity for a few years. It is a lot of fun, and I’ve sort of become one of those submissive guys who thinks we all should be locked in chastity. Or at least try it. Believe me, I did not get the appeal for a long time. What I’ve come to realize is that it is an intensifier. 

There is something very exciting about Chaos having the keys to my dick. And after a few weeks in chastity- I can feel my arousal level reaching levels that I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager. It’s nuts.

She likes it too, the control, the desperation. Seeing me swollen and dripping in my cage, a needy animal ready and willing to leap at her command. 

Sex in chastity is great too. It makes me conscious of my physical arousal when I go down on her. Feeling my dick straining in its prison is so much different than getting a semi while I worship between her thighs. It intensifies the inequality, the power exchange that is at the core of our relationship.

It is hot. You should try it.  

However…

And I feel like this practically requires a spoiler warning for chastity newbies.

Chastity is not a supermax fetish prison. It’s a very sexy version of the jailhouse in mayberry, and your dick is Otis Campbell. 

First of all, you have to help lock yourself up. It’s tricky shoving a dick into a little plastic or metal cage, and maneuvering your balls, it’s easy to pinch or squeeze those sensitive bits in a not fun way. Then, once it is on, you have to be complicit in staying locked.

The Holy Trainer which I wore nearly continuously for over a year, and as far as I can tell, all devices that do not require a piercing, are still not totally secure. 

It’s a bummer. 

I am not even talking about the fact that penile stimulation is not strictly required to achieve an illicit orgasm if that’s your aim. The fact is that most “off the shelf” chastity devices have a “tube” that encloses the head and shaft of the penis, and a “Ring” that goes behind your testicles and locks onto the tube to hold everything in place. With this design, even if perfectly fitted, it’s not difficult to pull out of the device.  Especially during bathtime, it would happen accidently, that with a bit of soap and water, my junk would slide out and I would have to stuff it back into place.

I know I’m not allowed to jack off. I know that if Chaos locks me up I’m supposed to stay locked up. I don’t want to break those rules. 

But, for me, a good portion of the pleasure of power exchange is the feeling of “powerlessness” and the lack of security in a chastity device brings us back to the square one, where orgasm denial is hard to differentiate from just not having orgasms.

I realise that there is a lot to unpack there, so I will have to come back to it in another blog post, but for now, let’s talk about our solution!

To celebrate our 6th anniversary I paid a man to shove a very large needle through the head of my penis.

Yeah. 

We were enjoying chastity as a constant, low impact way of expressing our dynamic, but were finding the lack of security or permanence less than ideal, we decided to enhance the security with a piercing. By putting a piercing through the head of my penis and securing that to the device’s tube it at least makes “pulling out” impossible. 

Chaos always wanted my dick pierced anyways, she reminded me while I was writing this, that it was something we talked about the second time we ever hung out. She likes my nipple piercings a lot, and while I’d always been squeamish about combining sharp metal and my most sensitive parts, I was excited to intensify her control of my bits even further. 

We made an appointment at a local piercer I’ve been to before. I lay down on the table and pulled out my dick, went through the whole, “take two deep breaths, and then breathe out on three.” Chaos held my hand and cradled my head, so I wouldn’t look at the needle. I was sure I was ready for it when the needle actually went in. 

OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT HURTS!

I didn’t mean to, or even think I would, but I shouted at the top of my lungs. That was definitely the most painful thing I can ever remember experiencing. 

Chaos wanted me to have an apadravya, which if you don’t know, is where the needle goes all the way through the head of your dick. And, my god did it hurt, and so did every pothole on the ride home, and it was pretty tender  for about a week afterwards. It is also an alarmingly bloody operation. 

Still, it’s pretty neat. I find it thrilling to have made this modification to my body for her.  This piercing is supposed to be especially pleasurable for one’s partner’s, and I’m always keen to be a better toy. Although the healing time on this one is crazy-long–we basically haven’t had pain-free PiV sex until the last few weeks. On the other hand I am super excited to finally be back in chastity.

Yesterday we received our new Custom Evotion Orion, and so far I am loving it. Super light, very secure, no issues with pulling, and so far? I can’t even get the trapped erections that were possible with my Holy Trainer. I’ll have to do a deep dive on reviewing this device in a couple of weeks. But what I really want to say about all this chastity stuff is:

It’s super romantic 

This cage is my engagement ring. Chaos is going to get me a fully custom steel device for the wedding. It blows my mind because all of the pornofied tropes about Femdom relationships you read about in bad erotica (and decent erotica, and in captions) can absolutely be a real part of a good and loving relationship. 

Chastity is not a punishment, and I am indescribably excited to be locked up by my fiancée (for who knows how long) and I when I think about her locking my penis in to a cold hard steel device on our wedding day – I don’t just get hot sticky pants feelings, I get soft gooey heart feelings. 

I promise to write more about this later, Chastity may not be for everyone, and as a practice, it has to be a bit more “bottom-led” than some others, but is so much more fun than I originally imagined. I definitely recommend trying it as an addition to a F/m dynamic. 

I am glad we did, after being unlocked for several months while my piercing healed, it is clear that being locked feels better, more consistently connected, and more sexually engaged than the alternative.