Cha-cha-changes pt 5: The Ecstasy of Cuckolding

I feel like a gosh darn cliche. A chastised submissive Cuckold; if Chaos had any interest in forced femme I’d be writing this in petticoats right now. But everyone’s kink journey is unique, even if so many people seem to arrive at the same destination. What I want to do here is explain what it is like to be cuckolded. Because I know a lot of people, my past self included, couldn’t conceive of anything but emotional devastation at the thought of their partner being sexual with someone else.  This is not an easy task, and when I set out to put this experience to the page, the word “indescribable” comes up more than any other. 

To begin with, I have to explain how anxious I was about coming out to Chaos about this new kink. There are kinks I have found interesting that she really dislikes and I was afraid that now I had developed an attachment to something she might find repellant. For almost a year, this was my “go to” fantasy” and I couldn’t tell her. Eventually, I knew I needed to but instead I pussyfooted around the subject, trying to get up the nerve, dropping hints, sharing cuckold adjacent fantasies.

One night when we were having sex (by which I mean my penis was securely bound in the plastic embrace of my HT3, and Chaos was riding my face like the final lap at the kentucky derby), started dirty-talking about a threesome with another boy. She described him sliding into her tight wet…  and I moaned in pleasure directly onto her clit. 

Encouraged, she suggested he might cum inside of her, and that I would be locked up the whole time. I writhed under her, unable to disguise my arousal in hearing her describe my fantasies back to me. After she was satisfied she looked at me, and I could tell she knew. 

I shyly confirmed that yes, I found the idea of her fucking other guys terribly erotic. I told her that it is a fantasy I had been considering for a while, and to my surprise, she was totally excited. More than surprised, I felt a sense of relief wash over me that made me realize how much anxiety I had been holding onto. As we talked, our excitement from sharing this fantasy grew and fed into itself. We had sex nearly every night for a week after that. 

We connected online on a discord for cuckolds and hotwives and talked to other people about their experiences. The habits of most of the couples we talked with were highly individualized, from different roles and motivations, to how frequently they played, whether they were vanilla or kinky. Our Female-Dominated BDSM dynamic does not seem to be characteristic of most of the community. A lot of guys preferred the title Stag to Cuckold, because they associated it with male submission (and a laundry-list of separate kinks they’d seen in Femdom™ porn.)

Eventually talk turned into looking for a guy with whom Chaos could make our fantasies come true. It was tricky finding a Bull who could check enough boxes to warrant the effort of making a connection. She went on several dates with potentials before finding a guy who had what we needed in a Bull. Every step-of-the way was a new opportunity to play with each other, teasing and fantasizing out loud about the possibilities brought by the next step. While it took several months to find the man she would cuckold me with, we were sharing a huge amount of sexual energy during that time, constantly feeding off eachother’s excitement. 

As her first liaison approached, I was a little surprised at my own lack of anxiety about the prospect. This kind of play results in a swirl of emotions, and often people single out jealousy as a potent aspect of the experience. I was just excited. I really felt so secure in our relationship sharing this with her, I had no fear that cuckolding would change how we felt about each other. When Chaos told me the guy she had coffee with was a good kisser, it sent a thrill through me unlike anything else I had experienced. It is arousal and longing, and closeness and need. For me, attempting to describe any instance of this feeling immediately rabbit-trails into a hundred different thoughts and triggers that I can’t describe because they crash through you all at once.

Going into our first time, I cannot even remember any of the details leading up to it because I was so overloaded with excitement. We arranged that she would text me every hour or so, so I knew she was ok. I dropped her off at a hotel and went home. I did some housework and waited to hear from her. Until I did hear, I remember trying not to get too excited since there was a chance they might not do anything, and as far as I knew she was just talking to him in the hotel bar. When she checked-in and sent me a picture that showed that they were in bed together, it was like she flipped one of those Frankenstein’s lab switches and every bit of my brain was exploding with sparks. She was fucking another man, right then, while I was waiting in chastity. I don’t think I can adequately explain why that is exciting – I know I can’t explain how it felt. 

What was clear, was that this was a crystallizing experience. I was a cuckold, and whatever else happened I would always be a cuckold. It was like realizing that I was submissive in the first place–I had been shown a new facet of my sexuallity. I felt a lot of emotions that night, but joy was chief among them.

After an hour or so Chaos texted me that I could come pick her up. I hopped in the car and made the fifteen or so minute journey to their hotel and texted her that I was there. I got a text back, and then waited for a bit before she came down and kissed me.

We spoke a little on the ride home, but I was mostly just in awe, stunned into silence each time she would drop a tidbit of information. She was saving the story till we got home. She made me kneel and look her in the eyes as she told me what happened. 

She met him in the bar, and they went to the room pretty quickly after that. Within minutes they were on the bed, the picture she sent me was after the first time they fucked. They fucked a lot more after she checked in and after she told me to come pick her up, and while she had me wait in the parking lot for her. I was hooked on her every word as she told me how much she liked his cock, how much bigger he was than me, how that felt inside of her. By the time she was nearing the end of the story she pounced on me and pushed me to the floor in the living room. She held my head as she rode my face and told me how hot it was to fuck another guy, to have me waiting chaste and obediant. 

We stayed up late talking and playing around, we were so connected. Something about sharing this together felt like having taken a step forward in our relationship. I was now her cuckold and she was my cuckoldress, a defining milestone in our relationship. There was so much excitement, and arousal, and relief, and love. Just an overwhelming explosion of feelings that bound us tighter together as we explored something new.