I’m apprehensive about writing this post. That what I say might be taken out of context, That someone I know might find my blog. I kind of have this idea, that besides serving as a journal, and a place for discussion, that someday I might meet a lady that I like, and point her towards my blog as a way of explaining my submissive desires; but she’ll find this post first and be freaked the hell out.
So, before I dive into this post I need to make a few things very clear.
- I like vagina’s, they’re like my favorite thing. If they made Georgia O’Keefe wallpaper I would plaster it to every surface of my house. Just because I’m talking about dick today, doesn’t mean I like it better.
- I’ve only ever handled one penis and that is my own. Not only do I have no intention of ever playing with someone else’s cock, I have every intention of not doing so. Non-monogamy doesn’t work for me and I am being intentional about avoiding it.
- I don’t identify as bisexual, or even bi-curious, I have no interest in the male form, or in sexual/romantic interactions with dudes. I have entertained some phallocentric fantasies on occasion and I don’t think that’s the same thing.
Every surface of my house
I think that the origin, the impetus for this fantasy comes from three factors. Porn, empathy, and my submissiveness. (as the way submission turns me on, I am not saying that submission in any one else will translate into even a slight interest in penises, just so we’re clear on that.)
In pornography, or at least in a great deal of the pornography I’ve seen women are shown to be ecstatic about having a penis right up in their face, like it’s the highlight of their week. Even though the image is focused on his pleasure, she seems to be having all the fun.
Faces are important to me, even if a woman is porn-star hot, her face is going to be what I look at the most. seeing pleasure there is key for me. (one of the reasons bored dominatrices don’t work so well for me.)
I think, that empathizing with the immense amount of enjoyment women get from cocks, seeing their faces light up, I think that that leaked into my subconscious at first and planted this interest.
This is just how I think about the pathology of my fantasies, particularly the more taboo ones, and if it wasn’t clear already I am not a licensed psychologist.
Then there is my intense desire to please (or be pleasing to) the object of my fantasy, (whoever it may be at the time ) and female pleasure is complicated, and hard to understand. I understand what gets a dick off. I have first hand (haha pun!) knowledge of what that feels like. Which makes slapping a cock onto the female form a fantasy that pushes my buttons whether I want it to or not.
A cute hipster chick that I know exactly how to please, How could that not turn me on?
Futanari, like so many great and terrible things comes to us from Japan. While there are variations, most often it has to do with a beautiful young woman with (enormous) male genitalia, and the corresponding urges.
I asked the artist Stickymon, what he thought about Futa and his thoughts pretty much mirror my own.
As far as futanari as a popular fantasy, I think it’s a lot less straight forward then some people may think. A lot of people are quick to label a straight male who enjoys it as gay just because there’s a penis involved but it’s not so black and white. As men we are comfortable with our own penis and know what it feels like to masturbate and ejaculate, we know what our orgasms feel like and how pleasurable and vulnerable it makes us. Women orgasm’s are alien to us, it is still sexy to see a woman masturbate and cum but we have no idea what that experience feels like for a woman because its so different from men.I think futanari is attractive because it sort of makes the woman’s sexual experience more relatable, and if a man is straight it makes watching that climax a little more acceptable. In porn we all love the money shot, the big finish, because that’s where we finish. But there’s a disconnect when the person finishing is another man and sometimes that is kind of a mood killer seeing another man’s ejaculation face (which is why i think a lot of hentai’s men are faceless). But give that woman a penis and let her orgasm and we can enjoy every bit of her pleasure while still getting the money shot. That’s my theory about it anyway.
I think part of the appeal of this fantasy is the fear in the back of my mind, that women don’t like or want sex, especially not deviant sex. I should be/am cognizant of the fact that women are sexual beings as much as men are, but the part of my brain that picks out what I find arousing is not.
I may be losing my credibility here as a straight guy already, but I do fantasize about being penetrated, by a woman, specifically one who enjoys it. While there is material out there to supplement this fantasy. I know a strap on has no nerve endings and I don’t understand the desire to use one the same way I understand the desire to use a cock.
I think that equating penetration with dominace is bogus, but I don’t always feel that way. There are images out there, that make taking a dick seem like one of the most submissive things you could do. And its hard not to feel something about being used to give pleasure.
I can’t fault people who want “forced bi.” As a fantasy, that also can do it for me, but the force would have to be there. I don’t want anything to do with a man, but the cock is another matter. I would never go for it if I wasn’t made to do it. But, if I was, beyond the blush of shame, I think I would be very turned on.
I hinted on this post earlier and immediately was grilled for details by the hyper-impatient (Edit: and hyper-fabulous) DishevelledDomina. She asked what this cock fantasy would look like for me in real life. Which is what I suppose you are all wondering now.
I can’t see a situation, (outside of absurd hypotheticals) in which I would actually end up sucking a dick. As a fantasy it can get me kind of hot, but I’m not keen on sharing that sort of intimacy outside of a LTR and I don’t intend to be in a long term relationship with anyone who has a penis.
As for strap on sucking, which she asked about. well, that’s not what this fantasy is about exactly, in fact I’ve always thought it seems a little ridiculous to lavish attention upon a peice of silicone.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it.
I’m saying if asked that I’d do it, and I’d feel silly.
But, if it got her hot, it’d get me hot.
Anyway, that’s more or less how I (a totally hetro dude, seriously) feel about dicks. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go do something manly for a bit.
hyper impatient???
How rude!
And fabulous! I meant to say and fabulous.
hyper impatient and fabulous?
Well… ok, fine.
Not sure that qualifies as complimentary but I will let it go.
I’ve mentioned before that strap-on sex doesn’t make a man gay: http://delvingintodeviance.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/note-to-tyt-strap-on-sex-does-not-make-a-man-gay/
I don’t think enjoying the idea of a woman with a penis makes you gay either. It’s interesting that you talk about fearing that a woman doesn’t have the same deviant desires as a man, and that being some of the attraction. I wonder if that’s part of the appeal of strap-on sex for me. I think I do get off a little on the idea that I have such an intense desire for sex that I’m going to be the penetrator. Even though my dildos don’t have any nerve endings, I still find fucking a man in the ass very arousing, and often come from it. I’ve never really fully figured out why.
I remember that post, and you saying: “I enjoy ass-fucking men. It’s been a fantasy of mine since I started having fantasies. “ Which kinda blows my mind.
I suppose I’m unused to the idea of women developing any sort of non-standard kinks or fantasies, and reading that you’ve had it for so long is… cool.
The idea of having a “what’s your biggest fantasy” discussion with a girlfriend and having to go first, scares me just a little. I posted about that earlier, but it would be amazing to meet someone who’s got the guts to say “I wanna strap one on and ride you ’til you can’t see straight.”
hah! “I wanna strap one on and ride you ’til you can’t see straight.” YES! that!
can’t say i had the fantasy for that long, but definitely before i actively entered the scene and bdsm. well, i didn’t identify it as bdsm, at least, although i knew bdsm existed. but as soon as a man tried to stick a finger (at the start :P) up my ass, i tried that with man, too. you know, in that case i’m all for equal rights for pleasure
what i wanted to say: you would be very surprised how many woman have that as a fantasy… (maybe not THAT many in the total flower vanilla corner, but the moment there is a little bit of lust for adventure…) at least that is my experience from talking to my fellow kinkster/adventurous woman.
oh my god, one really shouldn’t try to write comments when already half asleep and then on top of it not proof-reading it. apologies….
that should have been: “can’t say i had the fantasy for as long as @Dev,…”
and of course: “… i tried it with that man, too”
I caught your drift. It’s a real shame more folks aren’t equal opportunity pleasure seekers.
I just know that many of the women I’ve been around were scandalized to hear gossip of even slightly kinky nature, I would be surprised to find that any women (besides dev)have been harboring man ass fucking fantasies at all.
but of course they have to be scandalized. when travelling, i learned very quickly, that exactly this in several countries is the appropriate way for women to react as they are otherwise immediately thought to be whores/sluts/whatever (and not in the playful and “nice” meaning of the term). however, in other countries, the impression i get is more the one that there is not made too much fuss about it, people just do it, but it’s not appropriate to talk about it. having said that, of course it varies widely within the various societies and you will always find groups of people, who find that (and other nice games in the bedroom) totally gross. (surprisingly those usually don’t stay in my vicinity for long – i really have no clue, why 😛 )
the outcome on the outside is about the same. in either version woman have to appear scandalised when the topic is brought up. And just not to raise the wrong expectations: a lot of them are. on the other hand, as i already said, i think it’s more than you would dare to hope, that are on a different level very attracted to it; maybe not having fantasies about it, but, hey, once she is attracted in the slightest, you do have a chance to get her there. slowly, with a lot of love and reassurance, but yes.
about the fantasies: in the kink scene i have met several women who have either tried it or even have it in their regular repertoire, or at least want to try it some day.
i always thought, it’s a real pity that not more man are into that, as they seem to be afraid of being put into the gay corner (what @Dev said!!). and to be honest, i barely met a man who didn’t enjoy a prostate massage and other games like that, once they got over that society related “ewwwww” and the “if you get something up your ass you must be gay” thing.
and for the woman: hell yes, it’s loads of fun. and yes, i come from that, too. for me part of it it is usually the stimulation i get out of that harness through my on movement, but _way_ more important: the arousal of the men in question. also being genderfluid, that often kicks me totally into the male corner, and yes, i know, those things have no nerve endings, but i swear sometimes this becomes _my_ cock and at least in my head i can feel every inch of it.
heh… sorry, got carried away a bit here 😉
Peroxide,
uh, you might need to reconsider your level of surprise.
It’s not JUST Dev.
You too? like the first time you found out that pegging was a thing, you said “I’ve got to get me some of that!”
If men who enjoyed futanari were doing so because they had gay tendencies, wouldn’t they just be looking at gay porn, or at least at some gay porn? I’m sure futanari doesn’t have mainstream acceptability. There are men who date women with penises, quite openly. If they were “actually gay” wouldn’t they just be dating men, which is way more socially acceptable anyway? I’d never heard of futanari. I’m interested, but not excited by the idea, at least not the initial idea. A woman with a strap on sounds hot but it’s not something that interests me enough that it penetrates even my fantasies. (there was another intended pun!) If I was in a relationship with a dominant woman who was into it, I’m sure I would try it and cross my fingers that I liked it.
As far as preferring the image of a woman with an actual penis, the nerve endings etc. so she would feel pleasure, yeah, I think you’re over-empathizing. The female sex organ, after all, is the brain (as is the male’s). I’m sure women who like strap on sex with their submissives quite enjoy their fake cocks: collecting them, putting them on, and being able to take them off.
Thanks for the thoughtful post and the sharing.
“If men who enjoyed futanari were doing so because they had gay tendencies, wouldn’t they just be looking at gay porn, or at least at some gay porn?”
Statistically, at least according to the fellas in the video I linked, that is the case, but that logic and homophobia don’t often go together.
“As far as preferring the image of a woman with an actual penis, the nerve endings etc. so she would feel pleasure, yeah, I think you’re over-empathizing.”
Well, there are other *ahem* climactic events that don’t happen with a plastic cock, that it might be exciting to be on the receiving end of; if you’re into that sort of thing. Anyway, it’s just a fantasy, one I’m not pursuing in real life, as opposed to pegging, which I hope to try eventually.
So why wouldn’t you date a trans chick?
*Sigh* I didn’t say that.
But, I almost certainly wouldn’t.
My reasoning somewhat complicated. If I met a suitable match, and she was open about her trans-ness off the bat, I would probably still scratch her off my mental list of eligible bachelorettes. My friends, and (certain members of) my family, would likely not be understanding. I’m not keen to sacrifice the rest of my relationships, to pursue one (mostly) idle fantasy.
If I met a nice girl, and we hit it off, and started dating, and down the road I found out she was packing. I can’t be certain how I’d react. If we’ve gotten to the point of using the L word, and she’s kept this (rather sizable, one might hope) secret all the while…
Furthermore, I’m not interested in dating someone with whom I can’t see it working out long term, and I’d like to have children someday. Oh, right and also I’m quite fond of vagina and wouldn’t like to go with out that either.
“Sigh”? Really? Give me a break, kid.
“I’m not keen on sharing that sort of intimacy outside of a LTR and I don’t intend to be in a long term relationship with anyone who has a penis.”
I don’t think I was being dim there or willfully misreading that to mean that you don’t see transwomen as viable dating partners despite the fact that they apparently feature in some of your fantasies. Didn’t make sense to me for you to be against actually being with a person you find attractive. Transwomen aren’t just some made-up thing to be jerked off to; it’s kind of like saying that you have fantasies about cheerleaders but you wouldn’t date one.
I admit I’m sensitive to the issue so I aplogize if I’m reading more assholishness into what you’re saying than is really there.
Also I gotta say, I find the reasons you state in your response to my above question, for discounting transwomen as dating partners, quite illogical; but I won’t be so trollish as to persue it. To each their own, and all that.
“Sigh”? Really? Give me a break, kid.
I was sighing (literally) because I’d hoped to sidestep the issue, because my reasons for not being interested in transwomen are illogical and kinda insensitive. I’m aware of this, but it doesn’t change how I feel, or that some of my very best friends (who are great people in many respects) are (or are probably)transphobic. This though, is just one component, of my “why not.”
“Didn’t make sense to me for you to be against actually being with a person you find attractive. Transwomen aren’t just some made-up thing to be jerked off to; it’s kind of like saying that you have fantasies about cheerleaders but you wouldn’t date one.”
Honestly, if it was a “perfect mate” sort of thing, and she was everything I could possibly want, and the chemistry was great, and she was a strong christian, (who would make a great spiritual leader of our future household) Well, I could try to make it work.
But to use your example, If I was attracted to cheerleaders, but couldn’t find one who was hyper-literate, funny, and sweet, why would I date one?
Wow, that is the most insightful commentary on why Futa and T-girl porn is so popular. Personally, I don’t care about “the money shot” at all, but I can relate to what it feels like to have (and use) a cock.
Like you, I can’t imagine what any of my bi fantasies might look like in real life. Hell, my bi fantasies pretty much end at the bi part. I’ve come to realize that for me, any insertion (heh) of cock into my fantasies is really more about the surprise or unexpected danger aspects of the fantasy. My kinks range more toward a loss of control, and not sex with men per se, which is why many of my stories pretty much end at the “reveal,” e.g., the surprise strapon sex, or the unexpected forced bi.
Lately, I’ve been running across a lot of t-girl pictures on Tumblr, and for me, they fall into an area between the above examples; I can imagine a cruel, leather-clad dominatrix (Hey, I know it’s cliche, don’t judge me!), but instead of wearing a strapon, she already has one built in. It doesn’t change the essential parts of my “loss of control” fantasies.
Is it just me or does the word “Wow” automatically cue the voice in your head to read whatever follows sarcastically. I don’t intended to to be sarcastic, it is an unusually introspective look at a pornographic niche interest.
It’s interesting to me, how different the motivations may be for enjoying the same material.
No sarcasm implied; I was actually impressed by the insight. Taken in this context, it explains why Kami Tora is so popular. 🙂
And yes, it’s fascinating how different people can get different kinks from the same images.
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Actually, most straight men are physically turned on by the sight of cocks. Apparently, tits, ass, pussies, really big cocks and women’s feet are the big five visual cues that straight men are hard-wired to respond to (although feet and cocks may be less universal than the others). One theory I read is that we evolved to respond to erect cocks for sperm-competition reasons.
The best explanation I’ve heard of T-girl porn is that it’s sort of a sexual “optical illusion” that combines a feminine body with a cock, which men are hard-wired to respond to as much as they respond to pussy (and presumably men look at T-girl porn when they want a change of pace or because they have a stronger-than-average response to cocks).
Myself, I like some T-girl porn, but usually either the face isn’t feminine enough or the dick isn’t big enough. This could be why the cartoons are so popular; the artist is able to create an impossible pornographic exaggeration in which the girl has huge tits, huge cock, tiny waist and beautiful face. Rationally, we know it’s a silly exaggeration, but our cock still responds to the exaggerated visual cues.
Yeah I’ve heard the same thing from the guys who wrote A Billion Wicked Thoughts and linked to a video of them explaining their theory in the post.
I don’t usually dig evol-pop-pych, so I wanted to explain why this fantasy works for me, and the big difference between it and having bi-curious leanings. A lot of women find out that their SO’s are viewing t-girl porn or are interested in pegging and freak out that they might be gay. So I figured it would be good to have another voice out there explaining the difference.
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