You know what I hate about milk? That it expires. As soon as you purchase a gallon of milk you’re haunted by the looming inevitability that it will go sour. Even worse is when the “sell by” date is clear, but you can’t find the “definitely finish or throw out before” date. It makes me uncomfortable and I probably throw out a couple of gallons of milk a year because I don’t trust it.
What’s the date today?
My mom came down last week and took me out for lunch and a friendly interrogation. As I said, I told her I was dating a woman who was polyamorous. Mom had some questions about where I saw this relationship going, which is something I’ve thought about, but haven’t really written about much.
Whenever Tavi talks about the future, I get “conflicted face” as she calls it. She can tell that I’m having serious thoughts. It can be tricky, when I’m happy that things are falling in line for her, but I am forced to recognize that our relationship has an expiration date. I’ve never done this sort of thing before, let myself get attached to someone that I knew I wasn’t going to spend forever with. Sometimes it bothers me, mostly I try and ignore it.
There are two expiration dates that I see in our future, not that I am absolutely certain that these points represent the end, but I have a hard time seeing things continue as they are past either of these points.
Tavi and her primary are planning on getting engaged soon-ish, and eventually married. I think that I would feel uncomfortable playing with a married woman, even if she and her husband were totally cool with it, I think I would feel weird. But that all remains to be seen.
She’s also looking into going back to school for her masters, probably out of state. I’m happy that things are falling into place, but I don’t think I could do both long distance and polyamorous. Hell, being a monogamous partner in a polyamorous relationship already feels like you’re in a long-distance relationship.
My time with her is limited, scheduled and coordinated in advance. Date night this Sunday was cut short by a family emergency, which can’t just be made up, it means I miss out on fifty-percent of my Tavi time for the week. That’s not something I can do forever. So I know that eventually this has to end. But that’s a bummer to think about.
Here’s a picture of something delightfully permanent to cheer you up.
It’s a struggle just being an hour away from my play partner, so I definitely get your concerns about having a long-distance relationship. But a play partner’s impending engagement and marriage is a whole other ball of wax. That would be incredibly awkward for me, and I don’t even have quite the same religious reservations you do. I guess you just have to enjoy the ride until the complications outweigh the enjoyment.
Tavi and I talked about this post yesterday, and I think I came across her as less satisfied than I am. For the most part I’m pretty content, Usually happy even, but these issues loom large in my mind at times. But for now it works well for us, and we’re going to keep trying to enjoy it as long as we can.
Yeah, it’s certainly possible to be very happy but also concerned about complications at the same time. The important thing in those cases is to communicate the happiness at least as much as the concerns.