I’m sure you’re all aware that a sexual fetish is receiving sexual arousal from a specific object or situation. If this attraction causes psychological distress it’s a paraphilia.
Generally I notice a “kink” is how people usually refer to a little something extra they like in their sex, (oh I’m just a little kinky) and a Fetish is something that some pervert must have in order to achieve arousal. Or at least that’s how I used to think of it. With fetlife, most profiles have a list of Fetishes that users can say they are into or curious about or what have you.
So, it seems to me that fetish is becoming a more innocuous term, though I still think there is often a negative connotation when people talk about a Fetishist, or people Fetishizing anything. I think this usually comes with the more obsessive perception of a fetish.
Me, If I have any fetish it really is for submission itself. While I am certain I could function sexually without some sort of power exchange I do not think that I could have long term sexual satisfaction in a relationship without any such element. Beyond that I think I’m pretty game for whatever, but in the interest of over sharing and introspection I figured I’d go through a BDSM checklist and see what I’m into and what I’m not.
But I started looking around and those things are incredibly long, and I couldn’t find one that would paste in here neatly so I’m going to just go through and write my interest/eagerness/openness to various kinks, if I forget anything big you can post it in the comments.
It’s difficult to know what exactly I like without experiencing it but I like to think I’m pretty GGG, and that for my future wife and domme I’d do anything, well almost. Right off the bat I can say that my hard limits start with anything involving others in our sex life. I’m strictly mono-amorous and a practicing Christian to boot. So group sex, public sex, swinging, cuckolding, involving (or informing) others in our dynamic or making and sharing amateur porn is all a big no for me.
So between the two of us am I up for:
- Power exchange
- Sex
- Anal
- Roleplaying
- Orgasm control/chastity
- Bondage:
I like it if I’m being restrained for fun sexy times, or if I know that she gets off on it, other than that I don’t just get excited about the idea of being tied up. But I’m down if she wants it, I’ll sit still for shibari, and I’ll be patient if she just wants to practice knots.
- Painplay:
Yes! YES! YES! I’m going to ask for this, I’d bee willing to beg for it. I want to find my limits on how much I can take, I want to be taken right to the edge of where this hurts so good and this is to much and I want to be teased over. Spanking, caning, biting, flogging, and electricity I’m pretty certain are things I want.
I’m nervous about whipping, CBT, and ballbusting, I don’t know if I am capable of enjoying those, and I’d be willing to try, but I’d want to work up to it.
- Things she wears: Leather, latex, lingerie, outfits uniforms?
Eh, not likely to ever be my special request, I like the female form best unadorned, and I love skin on skin contact. So no matter how sexy the outfit I will just want to get her out of it. That said, a little dress up could make role playing that much more fun, Sexy librarian? yes please!
- Things I wear:
I’m pretty cool with anything that could go here. Well, I don’t really like those gimp mask things but it’s not like I’d refuse to put one on. And Cross-dressing isn’t my kink (and I’m not fond of the implied gender role issues if the sub must be cross dressed.) Plus I’m going to look about as feminine as Jamie Farr if you put me in a dress, but I’d do it.
On the the other hand, cooking breakfast in just an apron, or wearing tight shorts to wash her car, or mow the lawn that’s a order I could get excited about.
- Humiliation
- Edgier play:
Needles: have been getting me hot since I read this, but I’ve been pierced and tattooed and it hurts a lot. So yes, but please be gentle.
Blood play: I don’t really get the appeal of this, but if she wants to cut me a bit, and we do it safe, and the marks aren’t permanant or visible when I’m dressed, then I’d try it.
Knife or Gun play: maybe, really would have to work up to this, so I’m sure she is being safe. Would not ever play with a loaded gun.
Breath play: When I was in high school, my friend showed me this thing you could do, stand against a wall, bend at the waist and hyperventilate, then stand up straight and strangle yourself, if you did it correctly you’d pass out for a moment and get a little buzz. But then I learned that it could be dangerous and stopped doing it. I’ve heard that breath play just isn’t possible to do safely, but I remember that buzz, and that plus sex plus looking up at her while she strangles me, makes this a very reluctant no.
Branding: Yeah I’d be up for this, if we figure how to do it right, it could be very hot (pun intended.)
- I don’t want to call these gross kinks, but yeah they’re squicky for most people
Period sex/period blood play: I really want to be able to say that I’d man up and earn my redwings if asked, I really want to be super caring and supportive of my partners feminine needs, but it would be difficult, I’m not saying no, but I’m not sure.
Watersports: How much do jet-ski enthusiasts hate that term? Yes I’d do it, but I’m not sure how I’d feel about it.
Scat: No thank-you.
Foul odors: I’m not sure what you call being into farting, body odor or sweaty feet stuff but I’m not interested. I’m saying no, (because if I’m honest) too much of it may seriously impact my ability to find my partner desirable.
Diaper play: Maybe? Definitely no dirty diaper play, but if I understood what turned her on about it, I’d be willing to try.
So, yeah I think that’s most everything. Questions? anything I’ve missed? I’m an open book.
Not sure if I’m interpreting this correctly, but you’re more squicked by period sex than by watersports? I’m not sure about putting Period sex/period blood play under ‘gross kinks’… or under kink full stop tbh. Am I misunderstanding this? (Probably ought to go off and google it, but I’m not sure I want to know now!)
Perhaps all my partners have been more than averagely okay about that sort of thing. It’s ironic that some guys get squicked out by menstrual blood, because I’m often pretty frisky at that time of the month.
Maybe a little. It breaks down like this, I don’t really get the appeal of watersports but piss is mostly water, it’s sterile, it may be a little gross but I can deal.
With menstrual play, I totally get why you might want to have sex on your period, I get why some people might even find it especially hot. At the same time I’m dealing with an entire lifetime of hearing that periods are disgusting, and no guy wants to even know about it, (so much so that going to the store to buy tampons for your partner is humiliating in some way.)
I think if my wife wanted me to fuck her on her period I’d be down, I might be a little freaked out the first time or so but I’m pretty sure I could manage. If she wanted me to go downtown, well I want to say I’m a good little subbie and I’d eat that up, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t get down there and see blood and get queasy or just not be able to do it.
So is the squick about the blood, or about the outside-of-male-experience, ‘periods are disgusting’ feeling? So for instance, how would you feel about blood generally as opposed to menstrual blood? (And for the pedants, I know it’s not really ‘blood’.)
Personally I feel that sex is a given, but I understand the reluctance on oral sex.
Yes, both a bit. it’s not exactly a rational thing. I think I’m OK seeing my blood seeing more than a pin prick of someone else’s has made me feel sick in the past.
Found a relevant tumblr post that makes menstrual sex sound less intimidating.
Glad to hear it. I’m pretty curious about the tumblr post – can you re-do the link so that it’s a link?
Fixed!
Ooh, good ideas. Like the throw especially.
Slightly off topic, how is your gym and fitness thang going?
Less than spectacular to be honest, but I’ve got a new job with a fairly steady schedule, I’m over my cold and I seem to be all out of excuses not to go to the gym so I think progress should pick up here pretty soon.
The super hotty-hotness of orgasm control seems only attached to chastity stuff in this list and I think that is a very unfortunate mental association.
I haven’t a particular interest in chastity play but orgasm control and teasing/denial are really big headliners in my hit parade. Chastity is more about not getting orgasm whereas the games I like are about me deciding the how and the when which is delightful.
That’s a very good point. Both make me anxious in the same way, but I’d be more interested in tease and denial, and short term orgasm control than long term (or hell even mid-term) chastity.
I’m not certain how I’d react to not having regular release, I feel like if we were going to play around with chastity I’d need some other way of getting some endorphins into my system.
Chastity does little for me too, as opposed to tease and denial, which is super hot.
Although, some of those chastity devices with spikes on the inside look pretty appealing. Not sure if I could handle them, but the idea is quite arousing. The promise of pain is a bigger turn on than being put in chastity.
Pretty extensive list there. I consider myself a massive pervert, but I don’t check off everything on your list. So you are definitely headed in the right direction. Hope you find someone who enjoys most of those.
My lady and I have a few incompatible fetishes. She really wants to try urethral sounding, and just the thought of it makes me cringe. On the other hand, I am a much more enthusiastic masochist than she is a sadist. Actually, she insists she isn’t a sadist, despite her interest in blood play.
Oooh sounding, I forgot about that one, that’s a tad scary, I’d want to read up on the safety concerns before I said yes, but mostly I’m just going to hope it never occurs to her, because it makes me cringe too!
It’s a real shame that sadist is a dirty word, because someone has to keep us masochists happy.
I’d certainly avoid strangulation, there’s important stuff in the neck you need to be careful about, but you don’t have to be strangled for breathplay. Using a plastic sheet or a cushion or a nicely padded body part(!) can be used to limit breathing in a very controlled way. I personally wouldn’t do it anywhere close to the point of passing out, but most people don’t have an issue holding their breath for a while. After all swimmers and free divers aren’t dropping dead left and right from the need to control their breathing. I’ve had some of the most enjoyable BDSM experiences of my life involving nothing more that some kitchen plastic wrap. I’ve even written about some of them: http://www.femdom-resource.com/2011/06/15/oxygen-is-for-losers/
Definitely need to do it carefully with a partner who knows what she’s doing, but it can be really amazing.
I saw sounds got mentioned in a comment. They’re actually not at all painful. In fact if they are, then you’re doing it wrong, as they should never be forced in. Really unusual but in my experience very pleasurable sensation. Gets the nerve endings from a different direction. Although if you combine them with electricity, then it does get a little more interesting!
You mentioned branding, but you can also do heat play that doesn’t leave permanent marks. Cell popping is fun, using something like a soldering iron, as is playing with thin cigars or similar heat sources.
One finally thing I’d add is that in my experience, it can be really hard to predict what’ll work for you and what will not. Stuff I thought I’d love, just turned out to be fun but not earth shattering. Stuff that I never really fantasized about and tried only out of curiosity turned out to be amazing experiences. So when you get chance, try as much as possible. You never know what’ll turn out to be your new favorite thing.
-paltego
Huh,
I thought it was fairly dangerous anytime you cut off oxygen to the brain. I’d still be very cautious about trying it out, but it’s something that really turns me on, so it wouldn’t take much to change my mind. That said, strangulation is so much sexier than plastic wrap.
Sounds just look freaky as hell, it’s hard to to believe that they don’t hurt. I definitely think I’m pretty open to new experiences, but I usually have a good Idea of what I will or won’t enjoy ahead of time.
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