I’m not really a worrier, I know I’ve written about a lot of things that I “worry” about.
What I really mean when I say that, is that I think about something, and then go “that’s probably not great.” (Such as Femdom in Fiction and the messages it sends.) I don’t spend my valuable time fretting about such things, but I do think about them, ponder the ramifications of different actions, or aspects of myself, or cultural trends.
One thing about myself that I “worry” about is noise. Habits are hard to break, and in the interest of not having my special alone time interupted, I’ve gotten into the habit of making as little noise as possible. No moaning or groaning, no huffing, puffing, gasping; nothing to indicate to parents, or roommates that behind my bedroom door I’m engaging in rigorous self abuse.
Go Away, I'm just using my Shake weight!
Reflecting on my typical reaction upon reaching the crescendo of a performance on my one handed orchestra. The slow, exhalation of the breath that I’ve been holding during my last frantic sprint for the summit. I’m “worried” that its going to be underwhelming, for my future spouse.
I remember reading somewhere, someone saying that a lot of women (or it may have been specifically dominant women) are reaction junkies. I feel like it was in a discussion about how men are conditioned to be tough and not react to pain, but, that to do so for a malesub is self defeating because his domme probably is turned on more by his reaction to the pain than the action of inflicting it.
Further more I remember specifically an incident with K, where after some (a lot of) teasing from her, I flipped her onto her back and growled into her neck as I ground myself against her. Her reaction to this was, shall we say, more dramatically positive that usual. It’s one of the things that I think indicates that despite her forwardness, she was not turned on by being the dominant partner, But I digress.
How is one supposed to break a habit like that? I have no idea how to go from being courteously discrete with one’s private play time, to making enough noise to let your partner know you aren’t bored stiff. (see what I did there…)
Not making that face, would probably be a good start.
And heaven help me if my first time to bat, she wants any sort of dirty talk. I feel like I’d either go too soft and just sound like I’m wishing her a good day, or accidentally let something slip that sounds like they’d cut it from a porn script. I imagine trying to recover from saying, “Gee, honey your vagina sure is swell.” with “I’m going to fuck you till your legs fall off*.”
* let me point out that the other sentences I thought up for the “too hard” example I was too embarrassed to write down. If I allowed unfiltered smut out of the uncharted regions of my brain I’d probably earn a black eye.
“Gee, honey your vagina sure is swell.” with “I’m going to fuck you till your legs fall off*.”
I hurt myself laughing!! Damn you!! *shakes fist wildly*
I’m the most boring masturbator ever: not much movement, hardly any sound. *Sometimes* when I come, I make a sound, but it’s easy for me to shut it up if I want. In fact, even with a partner, I can go from nothing to coming in public without anyone knowing it’s happened (yes, yes I have, thank you for asking).
To your concern, I am totally a reaction junkie, and very aural (I said *aural*!), but it has to be authentic. I think how you are with a partner is very very different to how you are on your own. For me, it is someone *else* who makes me groan with desire, makes it hard for me to breathe, makes me react with sounds and movement that I would never emit on my own. It’s so very different that they are hardly related.
If you want to ‘untrain’ yourself a bit, wait until you have the place to yourself, keep your mouth open the whole time, let your imagination fly, see what comes out. You might surprise yourself. Also, leave the curtains open and give me a time, there’s a good boy.
Ferns
I hurt myself laughing!! Damn you!!
I’m sorry, if there is anything *raises eyebrow* I can do to make it better, all you have to do is let me know.
I’m the most boring masturbator ever
How, was that decided, was there an impartial judge? How did they get the job?
Also, leave the curtains open and give me a time, there’s a good boy.
Oh my, you really know how to make a boy blush don’t you.
I was writing a comment for this last night, but got tired and walked off and can’t find it. You know, cause The Bachelor came on. Forgive me? I’ll try to sum up what I was saying.
I think many men who are heterosexual, or have mostly experienced heterosexual relationships (as I don’t know your orientation), aren’t used to being “desired”. Like, women are used to it, very used to it. Our bodies are sexually portrayed in the media, are talked about on television (Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, Playboy etc.). I think women know how to be wanted, and are more comfortable with being seen as “sexy”. I’ve also noticed that gay and bisexual men tend to be more comfortable with being sexy as well. And with expressing themselves.
My sub, bless his heart, hates dirty talking (even though he’s good at it). We’ve had to rename it “talking romantically” to get anywhere. If I compliment him, the instant reaction is “blushing and an eyeroll”. And he hates if I fawn on him, because he doesn’t know how to react. He also can be a bit reaction-less during play because he says it makes him feel awkward. I was finally like, “If you’re in pain show me your in pain or else this is no fun for me! What’s the point of putting clothespins on your wiener if you’re just going to take it silently!”
Just try to relax =)
And remember that you looking like you’re enjoying yourself, or looking like you’re in pain will make her happy, depending on what she goes for.
I prefer the latter. *evil gleam*
Take a picture if you decide to go that route.
Lady D
I’ll forgive you for forgetting, but I’m going to hold watching reality Tv against you. Sound fair?
I’m Straight. Don’t I come off as straight? I mean I may not be a perfect 0 in the Kinsey scale, (but who is these days?) and my feelings regarding cock are perhaps a bit more nuanced than … well that’s a whole other post.
I do want to be seen as sexy, but you’re right, I’m not used to being objectified, nor setting myself up to be admired.
Your sub’s a Brit right? There was a joke about British men and how they react to sex that came to mind while I was writing this post, but I couldn’t make it work. Anyway, I think I’ll manage fine, whenever I get to the point of having a lady fawning over me, the dirty talking however, I may have to practice in the mirror.
*laughs* You’d think there’d be more tolerance for different interests in the kink community! I have a right to watch bad reality television if I want, without persecution or prejudice. ;P
XD I mean. I don’t like to assume you know? People assume I’m straight as a board all the time, but no, boobs are nice.
My sub “was” a Brit when you wrote this. Well, he’s still a Brit. That didn’t change, but he’s not my sub anymore unfortunately. It’s alright though.
Lady D
Don’t worry, it’s the sort of quiet grudge that I’ll just let fest for years without ever mentioning.
I have more than a few cases of people who, for no reason that is apparent to me, assumed that I’m all about a bit of dude on dude loving. Which I’m not, just so we’re clear.
I’m sorry to hear that, breaking up is never pleasant.
*snaps her fingers* Darn! I mean. *cough* Yeah. We’re totally clear here. 😉
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“It’s one of the things that I think indicates that despite her forwardness, she was not turned on by being the dominant partner”
I realize this wasn’t the point of the post, and also, there was other “evidence” that suggested your former flame wasn’t as dominant as you/she may have thought. But, two cents on this anyway… I like a little push and pull. A partner’s little pushes show me that I’m wanted, and besides that, it makes it all the more fun and meaningful when I push back ten times harder. With that said, if someone took the liberty to flip me over, I’d probably knock him out (not in a good way), but the occasional out-of-control groping and growling isn’t unwanted. 🙂
Yeah, I realize I put a bit of a non sequitur in there. I’m not usually comfortable being forward, so I’d never seen her react quite the way she did to my unusual burst of “dominance.”
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