If you read my last post, you know that Tavi had me refrain from masturbating for 3 1/2 days last week. If you follow my twitter you saw me whine semi-constantly all weekend. Sunday rolled around, Tavi allowed me to get off, and I didn’t die of sexual frustration. Here’s the funny thing, I kinda, sorta liked it.
I don’t really kink on chastity. I’m already abstinent, so chastity doesn’t do anything special for me. In fact, it’s such a femdom cliche that I have been pretty determined that I wouldn’t get into it, that it wasn’t for me. However, since our time together has been limited lately, doing that for her last week was…enjoyable. It felt really good to let her have control, even though I was crazy frustrated, even though I really wanted to get myself off. Suffering for her is still suffering, but it’s also blissful, freeing.
To deny myself pleasure on her behalf, is like taking pain for her. It isn’t in an of itself pleasurable, but it evokes this deeper sort of pleasure at being controlled, and feeling owned. Which is kinda a big thing for me.
To obey her, feels like a fraction of being held firmly in her control.
So I wrote to her yesterday and asked for more orders and rules. I said that I wasn’t asking for chastity, but that I had enjoyed doing that for her, And she wrote back with some new rules for me.
Things I would like you to work on for this week and going forward:1. Kneeling: I want you to build up endurance in this so you whine less when I ask you to do it for a long period of time.2. Interrupting and calling me by my first name: I want you to avoid this with others and particularly with me. If you wish to speak you must ask permission first. Also, at all times (unless in an inappropriate/public setting) I am Ma’am. I have let you get away with calling me [Tavi] in the past but this will not happen going forward.3. Writing: I want you to spend at least 2 hours a week writing, one of which must be fictional writing.4. Reading: I want you to start reading up on polyamory to gain further understanding of the lifestyle and motivations behind it – “The Ethical Slut” is a great book to start with.5. Job applications: I want you to apply for three jobs each week that you are genuinely interested in so you can pay off your credit card. They may be new full time jobs or part time jobs. I expect results within 60 days.6. Become more comfortable with public nudity: when we visit the CSPC I expect you to be willing to get completely naked in the main space without complaint.7. Masturbation: permitted once daily every day of the week. However, days where orgasm is permitted fall only on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. You must text message me after you orgasm thanking me.Punishments for not obeying rules may include (but are not limited to): denial of the privilege of wearing your collar, denial of orgasms altogether, self insertions and/or excessive exercise until collapse.
I am so grateful for these orders, I’m kneeling while writing this right now (though, I keep leaning on the bed, for comfort.) I’m surprised to find myself excited about orgasm restriction. Really surprised, because that’s definitely going to be difficult, and frustrating. (It’s not like I count, but I generally have at least one orgasm a day, more if I have a lot of time on my hands.)
And I’m thankful to have such a lovely girlfriend who is taking control of me the way I so desperately need.
You were so adorable on twitter! *laugh*
And you know what I love? When people with preconceived notions about things suddenly ‘get it’. I feel like they have learnt a lovely secret and I get a lot of vicarious enjoyment out of that.
I get frustrated when I see people cling to their “I’ve never tried it, why would I, that thing sounds stupid” attitude (not saying *you* ever did that, but you know what I mean, I’m sure). It just seems to me to be a very limited way of looking at the world.
I imagine that if you go and read my chastity posts NOW, you will see them differently from before (when I imagine you were ‘eh, whatevs’).
Good luck with the new rules. I’m glad things are going so well for you both.
Ferns
Thanks, I do love to be adorable.
I really don’t like being *wrong* about something. And in writing this, I was careful to tread around the phrasing that always triggered my “fantasy-bullshit alarm” when I’ve read about chastity/orgasm denial in the past.
I would say that orgasm control, feels like a short cut to the feeling of total control that I want. Like taking pain, it is a work-around for making me feel like *really* I am hers.
I’ll take another look at those posts, I probably just skimmed them before.
When I commented on Twitter about your being a “goner,” I actually meant more broadly than the chastity/denial aspect. Specifically, asking her for rules means that you’re pretty far gone into your submission to her!
And, again, I should know — I get off on being under rules. We keep a private website full of rules, a good portion of which I drafted for Jalan’s approval, and others which I suggested or requested and that she then developed. Some of those are basic life habits, such as controlling my impulsive spending or promoting good sleep habits. A healthy chunk are related to orgasm denial. But others are about her shaping our lives the way she wants them — things like my making her tea when I get up in the morning (which is invariably before she does), or the procedures for washing her feet when she wants it done. And some are control for its own sake. I suppose orgasm denial fits in the last category, as well, which plays nicely with my getting horny when I see new rules!
I’m obviously not saying that you’ll necessarily go as far on that specific dimension as I do. What works for us would not work in every detail for anyone else. But I do very much understand what it signifies that *you* asked for them. And it sounds like a good match!
We’ve been discussing adding more D/s for a while. I too really like being controlled, but we’ve been careful not to move forward too fast.
For the most part, that dynamic has only been expressed when we are together, and as much as I like that I’ve been wanting more so rules that affect me when we’re apart is a good remedy.
But it’s definitely a big step, and significant that I asked for it as well.
The rules she set for you seem well thought out. Some are clearly for her enjoyment, some for your betterment, and some for the relationship. None of them are outrageous, and all of them can be more-or-less put in to practice reliably. Good call by Tavi. And good job by you to ask for something you wanted. That’s something I don’t have the easiest time with. I’m getting better, though.
She really is a terrific dominant, you can see why I’m a little nuts about her. I’m pleased with these, they’re challenging, but achievable.
Thanks, it wasn’t super easy to ask for this, but I’m very happy I did.
As a dom I wouldn’t be able to remember and enforce that many new rules all at once.
Out of curiosity, were you communicating with Tavi during the three days she told you not to masturbate?
We’ll see how it goes, Tavi is very organized for one, and I intend to follow the new rules so enforcing them hopefully won’t be difficult for her.
Yes, we text mist every day and I email her if I know she’s busy or sleeping, so she got a lot of messages about my frustration. Which she seems to have enjoyed.
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