I’ve learned a lot from porn over the years. I mean that.
If you can look past the commodity that mainstream porn is trying to sell you, there is a lot of information about sex and eroticism to be gleaned. There is even more if you look at the work that amateurs put forth; the boudoir photos and selfies, artwork depicting impossible scenarios, and enough erotica and fan-fiction to dwarf the library of Alexandria. It may not all be an accurate representation of sex in real-life, but it tells the story of what people think is sexy.
Of course, not everyone is turned on by the same things.
I’ve learned a good deal about what turns me on, and I’ve said before that the whole realization that I’m submissive was kicked off by an erotic picture that I just stumbled upon one day. I could also credit internet sources, some of them pornographic, with a good deal of my sexual knowledge; like how to use my tongue and fingers effectively; as well as tidbits, like making sure that I keep my fingernails trimmed and clean. Even the expectation that sex should involve more than PIV intercourse if I want my female partner to be satisfied comes from things I’ve seen and read online. What I never learned online, is what noises to make during sex, and how to beg.
That men in porn don’t make enough noise in porn is a common lament of women. Meanwhile, often men will complain of the opposite; that the moaning and grunting of men in pornography is a distraction and off-putting. Either way, men in most of the porn I’ve seen don’t seem to beg for it.
Chaos has not expressed dissatisfaction with my vocalizations during sex. She is very happy with the sounds I make when she fucks me, even more so when she’s fucking my ass. Nevertheless, I feel that on occasion when she’s asked me to beg for it, that I’m not doing as good of a job as I could. I want to make it clear that in the moment I am her eager little slut-boy: in my own head I am a toy for her enjoyment, whatever that may be.
Whatever she wants
Usually all I can manage is a few plaintive sounds, some “please’s,” and some “fuck me’s.” I want to better communicate supplication, but I’m not sure how I can. That’s why I bring it to you dear readers: How do I beg?
1. Depends what Chaos likes (yeah, I know, that’s real helpful, right? Because you obviously didn’t know that… :P)
2. For me don’t even pretend it’s begging until there are 5 ‘pleases’
3. This is probably the only begging I’ve read that genuinely made me go “Holy fuck, that’s hot!” : http://www.domme-chronicles.com/2011/11/how-to-beg
4. Begging with sincerity is hard. My suggestion: Be explicit about what you want (see 3). Describe exactly what you want it in as much detail as your addled brain can conjure up, explain how much you want it (‘lots’ does not *explain*), tell her what you imagine it will feel like and how that makes YOU feel.
Ferns
#4 is the most salient point for me, It is really hard to beg sincerely. Usually by the time I’m begging for it, I’m at the tipping point right before my brain is too addled to anything but babble.
And at the same time my brain doesn’t know what to say, I’ve written about this before, that I’m concerned about the arrangement of words that will spill forth from my unfiltered lips, that it will be either banal or batshit insane.
I completely understand what you mean about the addled/babble thing.
An exercise: Write out what you *wish* you had said one time when you were trying to beg and couldn’t. Say it out loud. Change it so that it sounds REALLY like what you wanted to say. Say it out loud again. Change it again. Give it to Chaos.
Do that a few times. Just to get your brain working on it when you aren’t in the middle of it.
Best case: when it comes down to it your brain might conjure up some of those words. Worse case: Chaos gets a bunch of hot stuff from her boy. Win-win.
Ferns
This won’t be particularly helpful to you, but just an observation from my relationship: I’m generally not permitted to ask for things during a scene. At most, it’s “I would really enjoy [X].”
This is to keep me from planning and being disappointed in what does happen.
Our dynamic is a bit different in that regard. Furthermore, Chaos has specifically told me to beg for stuff during sexy-times, which is something I didn’t feel that I did that well.
IMO, begging = pleading combined with dirty talk. “Please please put your cock in my ass, Chaos” “Please I want to feel your beautiful boy please” “May I may I please let me” etc.
Begging ain’t easy, but you can learn.
For general sex noises, I’m a big fan of http://moaningmen.tumblr.com/ You might try listening to some with Chaos and asking which ones she likes and why. I don’t want my boy to fake any reactions, that’s not the point, but I definitely sometimes do things specifically just to get him to make that sound again.
Begging? Well, what gets me off is the sound of desperation in his voice, not so much the exact words. I do have a problem with my mind going blank when I’m asked to talk dirty, but I find that referring back to things we already got worked up over earlier instead of trying to reinvent the wheel and come up with new material really helps.