I intended to write another “As close as it gets” post, my reoccurring feature on popular fiction with D/s themes, but I don’t feel like it. I’m still thinking about Lady D’s comment on my last post.
“I think many men…aren’t used to being “desired”…I’ve also noticed that gay and bisexual men tend to be more comfortable with being sexy ” – The entire comment here.
I want to be desired but, I never learned how to just be sexy. As far as the messages I absorbed growing up, a man is only sexy to a woman incidentally, while doing something manly that emphasizes his virility.
Acceptable ways to showcase virlility include, Fighting nazis, piloting spacecraft. and throwing terroists off planes
“Acting sexy” primping, preening and posing in order to incite arousal come off as effeminate, I feel like I just read something about this and now I can’t find the link. The gist is that a man paying “too much” attention to his appearance is going to be pegged at best as metro-sexual and at worst his sexuality will be called into question.
I know there are women out there who enjoy male eye candy, in fact Disheveled Domina’s Tumblr is all about that very thing, but I should note that a fair amount of her content comes from gay porn Tumblrs. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!) So it’s not like I can look to there for inspiration unless I want to attract more gay dudes than I already do. (it’s a long story, but trust me, gay guys love me.)
I’m working on sculpting my body into something that just screams sex, but short of growing some wicked stubble and hunting for lost artifacts I’m stumped as to how to attract the kind of attention I want.
Anyway, unless it dumps snow tonight I’ve got work in the morning, so I’m off the bed. If only I could train my body to do crunches in my sleep this would be so much easier.
“it’s not like I can look to there for inspiration unless I want to attract more gay dudes than I already do”
That makes no sense. Gay men and straight women like the same thing, and gay men are good at it. Duh.
““Acting sexy” primping, preening and posing…”
No no noooo… don’t do that! That’s icky and won’t fool anyone.
Sure, manly things can be excruciatingly hot (ref my post with manly men thumping each other to death… guh!) but in real life you attract that sort of attention via the normal means of attracting any attention. Luckily every woman likes something different, and sometimes that gaze comes within the relationship, and sometimes it might just be a look from across the room.
I agree with Lady D that men are often not used to that sort of attention and a big reason for that is because honestly, if you hit vanilla men with it, they will come at you like a salivating ten tonne truck… ugh. When you hit a submissive man with it, though, oh my… it has a chance to blossom because they will wait under it instead of pouncing, they often become acutely aware of their bodies, and start to realise the power they have to turn a woman on in a way that they perhaps have never known before. It is knee weakening, even if (especially if) he is made shy and self conscious by it and then learns to recognise it, enjoy it, play with it.
You attract that attention because someone is attracted to you… there are no secrets there other than ‘be the best you that you can be’. My only advice about it is that *if* you attract that kind of gaze, revel in it, don’t deflect it, don’t make a joke out of it… be shy if you are shy, that can be lovely, but try to accept it for what it is.
So anyway… how *you* doin’?
Ferns
I wouldn’t characterize myself as shy per se, I’m quite extroverted. Still, certain types of attention might make me get flustered, if that counts.
What Ferns says –> “start to realise the power they have to turn a woman on in a way that they perhaps have never known before. It is knee weakening, even if (especially if) he is made shy and self conscious by it and then learns to recognise it, enjoy it, play with it.”
I don’t know that I have a physical type, but certainly, there is a type of attitude I’m attracted to which may or may not be demonstrated in a man’s physical appearance. Sometimes is a look, a tilt of the head, or a touch that knocks me over completely… it’s those little things, seemingly non-sexual, that I’m attracted to and find so exciting (sexually and otherwise).
To understand the sexiness of personality, thoughts, and words, take stock of the writers and bloggers you know. There are so many writers I find endlessly sexy, just from knowing their thoughts and appreciating their language. I have no idea what they look like… just find them attractive based on what I’ve read.
I don’t know that I have a physical type, but certainly, there is a type of attitude I’m attracted to which may or may not be demonstrated in a man’s physical appearance.
ugh, with me it is much the opposite, I am often attracted to physical traits, and styles that come attracted to altitudes that are incompatible for me.
“attracted to altitudes”
I’m really tall… that’s what you mean, right?
Ferns
Yes, Ferns, that’s what I meant. /sarcasm
You know, it occurs to me that I can edit my comments and make it look like you’re pointing out a mistake that never happened.
Muahahaha ha ha, a he he heh, hmm. /evil laughter
Hey! I was quoted! I’m famous now.
And feeling awfully flattered. I wasn’t aware I ever said anything of real substance. *laughs*
Lady D
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