I’ve got this, I guess you’d call it a verbal tick. When I’m doing something that requires concentration, quick maneuvering or causes a spike in my stress levels I often say “something” or maybe hum or make some sort of noise. It’s a little quirky, and I don’t think I would have ever paid much attention to it if Tavi hadn’t brought it to my attention.
I drive most of the time when we go out. Between the Seattle’s awful city planning and it’s careless drivers my little quirk came into play quite a bit. Most frequently during lane changes on I-5 I would accelerate and let out a little “Yeehaw” as I changed lanes. I’m not sure why, and frankly “Yeehaw” was never really my go to before. I don’t think. I never paid too much attention before this.
This is about as close as I’ve ever been to being interested in cowboys.
Anyway, First Tavi let me know that the “Yeehaws” annoyed her. But I was unable to curb the habit. So she decided to break it. A few weeks ago she told me I would get ten full strength swats for every time I said “Yeehaw.” I dropped one more in front of her. That was Ten, which can usually make me cry. But then we didn’t have any time together for about a week and half, and they started to add up.
One rainy morning, taking a left tun out of my driveway in busy traffic. I strangled it halfway out, but when I got to work I texted anyway to see if “Yeeha-aarg” counted. It did.
Once more on the freeway later that week. And again, at work one afternoon trying to navigate a busy floor. I texted to see if it counted when I wasn’t driving. It does.
While I’ve generally felt that “Play” is not likely to be an effective punishment for serious lapses. In this case, even though I was missing Tavi, and craving some play, the prospect of the swats I was earning worried me. I became very focused on curbing this habit as quickly as possible.
Sunday came and I was ecstatic to get to spend some time with Tavi, I was also very antsy for some play. I needed a spanking, and yet I was scared of taking that many swats.
When we were driving home from lunch Sunday, I was talking generally about what was difficult about breaking this habit was my lake of a replacement phrase. She suggested that I could say “Sorry Ma’am,” whenever I changed lanes. And so as I maneuvered towards our exit I did that.
Then she suggested that I could say “I’m a slut.” Instead. Clearly I must have blushed at the thought, because Tavi laughed and insisted upon it. With the next lane change I said “I’m a slut.” Only it probably came out more like “Ieyyyeee’m A Slut!” and caused me to turn pretty much purple.
She found that amusing and so from there it evolved to a new standing order, to say “I’m a dirty slut” every-time I change lanes.
Clearly I’m not going to be driving my mom anywhere anytime soon.
*laugh* LOVE LOVE LOVE!! OMG. LOVE!
I laughed so hard at this!!
Ferns
And that clinches it.
There is a erotic thrill to humiliation play to be sure, but the gleeful delight I get from Tavi when I blush and submit to her embarrassing whims is what makes it so rewarding.
I would do (just about) anything to make her laugh.
I kind of like the idea of speech restrictions/requirements/protocols in general, but that is one I would have to veto. I’m not willing to risk outing myself for something humorous. But if it’s fun for the two of you, great.
WE’ll see if it ever has to come into play. I don’t drive other people very often, and I think that if I break my habit of needing to say something when I’m maneuvering this rule might go away.
Good luck on that.
This was great, Peroxide! Laughed out loud. 🙂
Excellent, I’m glad.
This made me think about driving with my mama in an entirely new light. We could bond! I laughed so hard at this. xo
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
She’s seriously ordered you to do it even when you’re in the car with other people? And you agreed?
Between how very infrequently I drive anyone other than myself or Tavi anywhere, The fact that I’m fairly quirky to begin with (and muttering “I’m a dirty slut” isn’t that much more bizarre than “yeehaw”) and that it doesn’t conflict with any of my hard limits makes me feel like this is a fairly reasonable, albeit silly, order.
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1. I am soooo gonna need a ride somewhere next time I’m in Seattle. In fact, I might need you to drive me around in circles with occasional latte stops on the opposite ends of town 🙂
2. I am very grateful to have found a name and a profession for my obsession with human behavior because half way through, before getting to the “I’m a slut” part of this post I wanted to let you know that there’s research that says that when you perform a behavior you are trying to change and then scold yourself, you actually train yourself to not notice the behavior rather than to not perform it. Instead, it is suggested to celebrate the behavior which draws positive attention and later anticipation and prevention. (Classic example is “yay I bit my nails!” instead of “shit, I bit my nails”)
3. A really dear friend once tried to train me out of the very female habit of saying “I’m sorry all the time” by insisting I replace “I’m sorry” with “fuck you”. I appologize a lot less now 🙂
“…replace “I’m sorry” with “fuck you””
*laugh* Words cannot express how much I LOVE this idea!
Ferns
1. That could very well be arranged, although Tavi has since amended the order in two ways. I only have to say it when she is in the car, and She’s updated the phrase to one that still makes me blush, after I got used to saying “I’m a dirty slut.”
2. That’s interesting, and it makes sense if you treat my replacement phrase as a celebration of the habit (since following orders makes me feel good.) I think I’ve noticed less of a need to say anything while changing lanes on my own.
3. I work with someone who apologizes for literally everything (including apologising too frequently) I may have to suggest this replacement to her.
Loved this post–very funny!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.