I’m not into scat

Between here and reddit, I’ve been asked a few times for advice on how to go about looking for a kinky relationship. I do my best to help, but I don’t have all the answers. I’m in my first one ever and I lucked into that one by virtue of being so handsome and charming (and modest.)

I got a message the other day from some chap looking for that sort of advice, and in it he listed some of his kinks (to me, like that matters) and took the time to say “anything except scat knife play and piss” [sic.]

I’m going to put this out there for everyone. No one is assuming you are into scat.

You do like human-chili-dogging though, right? That’s kinda a deal breaker.

When you are looking for a partner, you can leave the laundry list of kinks you are and aren’t into until the two of you are actually discussing play. And your hard limits (especially if the only hard limits you have given any thought to are the nearly-universally squicky ones) are not a first introduction topic.

Imagine for a moment how insane it would be to show up to a blind date, introduce yourself, talk a little about your job, and then go: “…just so you know, I’m not interested in having you shit on my chest.”

I’m not sure where the perception that edge-play and “extreme” fetishes are commonplace among BDSMers comes from, but it’s a pretty safe bet that no one is going to break out the knives and drop trou on you before you’ve even exchanged pleasantries.

If that was a real concern we’d all walk around with business cards inscribed with our preferred fetishes, lest the cutie at the bar assumes that small-talk is a sure sign that you want to be double fisted the moment you turn your back.