Occasionally I’ve seen it suggested in discussions about female dominated relationships that chastity and orgasm control are the height of the power exchange. Sentiments to the effect that once a woman gains authority over that aspect of her partner she can control everything else. That’s bullshit, obviously. At least I hope it’s obvious that as a man, I’m more than a collection of barely contained sexual desires that you can steer with a penis.
Tavi and I have been doing orgasm control, chastity or whatever you want to call it for a bit over a month now. It’s a fairly simple premise that we’re working with. I may cum once per day on Tuesdays, Thursdays or Sundays and after I do I have to text her and thank her. This is much less frequently than I used to. It’s not impossible, but it is hardly the greatest challenge that any man has ever faced.
When I talk (complain) about chastity, I’m still thankful I have nothing to do with this.
It hasn’t made me more submissive or more obedient, it’s not some magical D/s enhancement. But it is… Nice, sort of. In certain ways.
Orgasms are no longer casual stress relief or boredom relievers. They’re more valuable and so I try and make them worthwhile. Funnily enough, the first couple I had after the restriction went into effect I ruined by trying to backpedal after crossing the point of no return. The upshot of which is after a couple of fumbles I’ve gotten much better at telling where that line is.
And then yesterday I was enjoying a lazy Sunday morning, I was backed up a bit because the Thursday-Sunday gap is always the hardest, and because I’d spent Saturday afternoon with Tavi and was still excited because of it. Totally and unexpectedly passed the point of no return, much to my disappointment. *Sad Face*
On the other hand when I texted Tavi about my conundrum she said I was adorable. *Beams*
Mostly though I’m getting a better handle on exactly how my pleasure works, and where the lines are. Which is a helpful piece of knowledge.
There is also something, that I’m not really learning per se, because I already knew it, but I’m now experiencing more frequently that sexual pleasure doesn’t have to end in an orgasm to be perfectly enjoyable. Maybe I’m just a masochist, but I still masturbate a bit on the days I can’t cum, and I still enjoy it, not as much as I’d like to, but some.
Finally, it keeps me mindful of Tavi. Although, I don’t need a lot of help with that. Not being allowed this basic release that I’ve had pretty much every day (with a few gaps here and there) since I was eleven, really does emphasize lovely subby owned feelings. It’s not easy, but I do it for her, because I belong to her. That right there makes the frustration worth it. Not less frustrating, but worth it.
Though I’m definitively craving more sweets and booze these days
🙂
For what it’s worth, I didn’t find booze, sweets, or other drugs were any kind of substitute, although I certainly tried replacing the one activity with the others for a bit.
Glad you’re having fun with this. And blogging about it sensibly. Heaven’s knows we need less bullshit in this arena.
I don’t know how much it actually helps, but I definitely have been craving sweets more often. On the weekend, if I have a lot of time on my hands that might otherwise tempting I find alcohol mixed with other activities to be an effective distraction.
That’s an awesome post, really intelligent and interesting. I like the way you describe masturbation sometimes as “casual stress relief”. I also find that at stressful periods in my life it can be that too, although sometimes it’s pretty deliberate stress relief rather than casual!
I’ve only had a little experience with chastity, but it was 24/7 in a device. It was hard, but the frustration was quite enjoyable, as I was always concious every time I felt it of who it was who put me into chastity, and that it was her wish for me to feel that frustration. I think I would find it almost impossible without a device, I just wouldn’t have the will power consistently enough, I’d have too many “accidents”.
Great that you are both enjoying this, orgasm control is a really powerful form of control in my experience. Thanks for posting.
Masturbation is deliberate, but it’s low effort stress release, and I do miss that some days.
I don’t know that a device would work for our situation, or how interested either of us are in going that way, but it would certainly remove the temptation I deal with otherwise.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, thanks for commenting.