I haven’t written anything in the last week, I’ve got some posts on deck, but nothing I’m going to finish tonight. I have a quick thought that I wanted to put up and see if it sparks discussion.
I see on forums and stuff, dominant/sadist identified people struggling with how dark their fantasies get, and I haven’t noticed much discussion about the ancillary fantasies of submissives.
It’s really difficult to find images of men being used sexually by women in a violent manner, but this is a bit of what I’m getting at.
I get hot by thinking about being used for another’s pleasure, being teased, tortured and humiliated. I get off imagining being the victim of terrible things. And I’m pretty sure that’s OK.
Someday I may get to play at some of these things with someone I trust, someone who cares about my well being, We’ll sit down and talk about what’s OK, and what isn’t, when to stop, how to play some scenario or other out safely.
As long as she’s a good, loving person, who understands the difference between fantasy and reality, then if her fantasies don’t include consent, if thinking about using someone’s body for her pleasure is hot, if she wants to tease, torture and humiliate, if she gets off thinking about doing terrible things, Well, I’m pretty sure that’s Ok too.
Thoughts?
Oh hell yes it’s okay!
I am always surprised by people who talk about not having fantasies, just ‘things they haven’t done yet’. I’m like, wtf?! Better keep mine to myself then!
My ‘get me off’ fantasies are all about terrible non consensual sexual violence. It is a dark and scary place in there. I used to worry about it, I don’t any more.
My last submissive and I used to spin terrible scary-hot stories, he is the first I met who was somewhat my complement in this, and who I felt safe enough with to verbalise that stuff. I knew that he wouldn’t think there was something wrong with me for it. His submissive fantasies were uber extreme also, so we were a good fit that way.
I would never attempt to play out any of that, I already know that it wouldn’t work for me, so it just stays where it belongs. I’m okay with it and refuse to censor my sexual fantasies because they are ‘wrong’ (and believe me, I spent quite a while *trying* to do just that in my younger days).
Ferns
One of the difficulties with having heavier fantasies is that it can seem like no one else thinks of anything of the sort. If not for the internet I would probably be much less comfortable with my own desires.
It’s really cool that the two of you could share that, I have a hard time imagining being able to openly share some of the things that excite me the most.
Yes, definitely. Like you, I am very clear that i’d like a nice D/s relationship. My fantasies though, are much much darker and in the past I spent a lot of time trying to subjugate them because they were “wrong”. They’re fantasies, not reality. They’re not wrong because I am fully aware that I will not act on them, I will not abuse anyone’s trust or fail to get their explicit and informed consent in real life. I also find myself having fantasies wherein the things I am doing are necessary for the guy I’m doing them to: Ultimately, he will feel good for it, come to some realization about himself or be healed through my beating/degrading him. In reality, I’d have to be in a very trusting relationship before I’d do anything that was even half of my fantasies. As with Ferns, My fantasies are just that and they’re staying in my head.
Same here, a lot of my fantasies take place in relationships or situations that aren’t something I’m looking for in real life, but are a good (expedient?) setting whatever feeling or activity that I’m kinking on at the time.
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