So in the last week Dishevelled Domina and Kink in Exile both mentioned the ever popular Domme as ice queen cliche we all know and love so well.
I’ve been thinking about this because the desire for an untouchable Femdom with ice-water in her veins and a scowl on her on her face is not something I have in common with whichever male submissives get to dictate the content of kinky porn.
I like I said last time I’m a lot like Cheap Trick, I want you to want me. That being said, I think there is an underlying desire inflating the market for women with the emotional range of Kristen Stewart.
It’s pretty easy to inflate the male ego, (easy to puncture as well but that’s another story) just knowing that I turn someone on is enough to make me want to strut like a prize cock. Many submissives want to be made less than their dominant, to be a slave, pet, a toy, or possession. So it’s got to be hard to try and think submissive thoughts when your partner shudders with ecstasy every time you walk into the room.
An Icy-cool demeanor and emotional detachment may enhance the feelings of low station the fantasy is trying to foster, but I don’t think this is a fair request to make of your partner. If you’ve ever played party games like Stone Face, or Honey, I love you you know how difficult it can be to keep a straight face.
Maybe it’s just a preference thing, and since I’d prefer a gleeful tormentor to a bored looking fetish technician I have a hard time seeing the appeal.
For your viewing pleasure, Merry Christmas everyone.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRLzZBxqv68]
Unfortunately, I don’t think this stereotype is going away anytime soon. Imagine what it’s like for us Femdoms who are sadists? I’ve had many submissive men become befuddled in the face of my My Little Pony obsession and my love of all things fru-fru. Then again…I suppose I am in the minority of sadists when it comes to those two particular interests…
But no matter. I pay the stereotypes no heed, because all groups have them. Even people coined as Vanilla aren’t exempt from the misconception-blanket.
I also noticed that you decided to follow my blog. I wanted to let you know that I am highly flattered, considering I haven’t made a post yet. =3
I’ll be sure to check in here quite often. There’s not a lot of blogs written by submissive men and I’m interested in seeing what else you write.
Lady D
I suppose I am in the minority of sadists when it comes to those two particular interests…
I’m don’t know that you are, it seems very possible to me that many people with sadistic-ish desires and drives are turned off by all the cultural baggage that comes with attempting anything BDSM related.
I pay the stereotypes no heed
A wise policy.
I also noticed that you decided to follow my blog. I wanted to let you know that I am highly flattered, considering I haven’t made a post yet… I’ll be sure to check in here quite often. There’s not a lot of blogs written by submissive men and I’m interested in seeing what else you write.
Yes, well I thought that when you do post something there may be an overlap in interests/topics and I did not want to miss it. I’m glad you’ll be checking in, I hope I can come up with something of interest.
“…just knowing that I turn someone on is enough to make me want to strut like a prize cock.”
I adore the strutting and I love it when a man who has never had his woman look at him that way is under it, it is so fucking cute and hot and adorable.
“Many submissives want to be made less than their dominant, to be a slave, pet, a toy, or possession. So it’s got to be hard to try and think submissive thoughts when your partner shudders with ecstasy every time you walk into the room.”
The two are not mutually exclusive. And if it’s hard to think submissive thoughts when you are a slave, pet, toy or possession, then the ones you are having are the wrong ones!
Maybe I misunderstood, but if you think of being a hot sex object, a piece of eye candy, a sexy boy-thing for your dominant’s pleasure, then those *are* the submissive thoughts. The gorgeous and irresistible sideways, “Do you like what you see, Ma’am?”, the cute little embarrassed, but proud ‘I know you are watching me’ hip-swaying walk across the room, the going to trouble to be that sexy thing… all that.
Also, in the face of *that*, playing the cool detached bitch can be fun… Just sayin’.
Ferns
The two are not mutually exclusive.
No, but, I feel like it’s got to be weird, feeling like The Man and her toy at the same time… or at least that is what I was thinking, but you’ve just knocked it out of the park with the next paragraph which I won’t bother reposting in part cause the whole thing rocks.
Maybe I’m just having trouble conceptualizing subspace, when all I know is the “cock of the walk” feeling.
“Maybe I’m just having trouble conceptualizing subspace, when all I know is the “cock of the walk” feeling.”
*smile* All you have to lay over the top is “See this, Ma’am? Yeah, this *manly pointing at yourself with the whole cock-walk-strutty thing*… this hotness, this is all yours… all of it… just for you… Do you like it? How can I make it more/better/hotter for you? What can I do to make you want to take a full force run at me from across the room there?”
Oh yeah.
Ferns
Heh.
Think YOU have it confusing, Peroxide?
Imagine being a switchable male brat like myself?
I could serve someone like Ms Ferns for a day or three and enjoy myself. But sooner or later my brattiness would need expression and I’d need to find a lady to spank or even mildly Dom.
I will say though, that like you, I like to be wanted. An Ice Queen could be hot for a moment but she’d bore me silly if that was her default mode.
I don’t even think I’ve got it that hard, and I could switch if I wanted too, but that’s a topic for another post.
Sorry, I’m not here to comment on the stereotype thing. I just wanted to say that I’ve been laughing at the “Ice Queen” cartoon all day.
🙂
Oglaf is one of my favorite things on the Internet, if you liked the snow queen, her story continues here. (and here, and here)
I’m not a regular reader, but I do catch Oglaf once in a while. I hadn’t seen that particular one. I should probably put it in my RSS reader.
Generally I tend to catch things like xkcd, SMBC, and Cy&H.
Nice cartoon, Peroxide.
I should explain myself a bit better.
I should have said sooner or later my natural brattiness would come out – and some Mistresses and Dommes cannot stand brats, though I’m the “try to make everyone laugh” type rather than the selfish “I need attention all the time” type. And eventually, my dominant side (which has nothing to do with my humorous bratty side) would ache for some female patootie.
Also, as I”ve explained to Mistress Ferns I’m not slave material. I could be happy in a sub role for maybe as much as 3 days or a “houseboy” / “butler” type of thing for awhile provided I had a little bit of personal space. I could be happy where I was to a slight extent the “Dom” (say 70 percent I top/30 percent I bottom) or which was mostly where I “bottom”, though I think I lean a bit more on the “bottom” side, yet I wouldn’t want a total Female Led Relationship with no power exchange.
So yeah, a bit different. Mainstream Femdom very much does NOT usually speak to me.
There, now I think I explained more about myself.
For one of your earlier posts about the Princess Bride:
A six part series on the way society views dominatrixes. It ties into feminism, “patriarchy”, male doms, male subs and gay/bisexual men as well. I hope you enjoy, this is the first part.
http://stummyrumblings.blogspot.com/2011/11/essay-on-societal-dominatrix-part-1.html#comment-form
Thanks for bringing that to my attention, very thought provoking, but more than a little depressing (enumerating the myriad ways in which society loathes submissive men.) I will have to keep it in mind as I write more about femdom in pop-culture.