I have an average sized penis.
The sad thing here is that writing that, admitting to you dear reader that my penis is not some throbbing obelisk rising impressively from my pubis to tower over all creation, causing women to melt with lust and men to cower in terror and shame, informing you instead that my penis is instead about the same size as most other men’s penises is a small blow to my ego. For reference, I don’t own a tape measure but I can say that fully erect it’s a bit longer than my cellphone.
If only.
I’m fairly intelligent, and I’ve read around, and I know that penis size really isn’t an issue when it come to pleasing a women, I know that there is nothing wrong with my penis.
Yet there is a niggling worry that for example that when my wife first comes into contact with my cock, she’s going to be underwhelmed. There’s is no rational reason for me to think that my penis should in anyway be less than satisfactory, but I can’t shake it (the thought, not my penis.)
I don’t think this concern that my penis could be bigger and better is ever going to leave me, (unless upon my honeymoon my wife has, after some trouble getting it in, a mind-blowing leg-shaking gushing orgasm so intense that she’s rendered unconscious.) or anyone else it affects for several reasons.
Two cultural tropes that pop up in a lot of places are that real men have big dicks (or conversely that losers have small dicks) and that having a big dick means you’re going to have better sex.
Most often the first is simply implied, the (male) hero is seen naked by another character, if it’s a woman she’s impressed and they probably have sex later, if it’s another man he’s intimidated. Similarly if a villain or a character that is supposed or be unlikable is seen naked it’s either they cover up with a very small object, or there will be size jokes made at their expense.
Then there is the good sex comes from big dicks is seen often when two characters are having what sounds to be great sex off screen, and there will often be a line like “ooh, you’re so big!” it’s a throw away line that crops up in many iterations.
You probably have also heard a lot of jokes about men overcompensating. Sports cars, jacked up trucks, working out too much, building skyscrapers are all supposedly symptoms of a man trying to make up for his short comings in the trouser department. The reasons this sucks is even if you’re just a regular guy, and you aren’t doing any of these things that people say are indications of having a small penis, you still are hearing the message that having a small penis is something to be compensated for.
I might also point out that the advice given to men who actually have smaller than average penises (as opposed to the 55% of men who are just dissatisfied with their penis size) is virtually identical to the advice given to any man who’s partner is having trouble reaching orgasm. Which begs the question as to why extended foreplay and tons of oral and clitoral stimulation aren’t part of everyone’s repertoire already.
Ok, so some guys get better advice than others.
I’ll also point out that cheap shots hurt everyone. Every time “tiny dicked” is thrown in what whatever other insults are being hurled at a man it just reinforces the belief that penis size is an issue.
Meanwhile when trying to make things better women say that penis size doesn’t matter, and then qualify it with “as long as it’s not too small aka smaller than 4~5 inches” which undermines the argument. Most erect penises are between (5.5 to 6.2 inches) in length, so it sounds like being below average automatically takes you out of the running even with the most understanding women. It doesn’t help that “average” is a dirty word these days either. And it doesn’t help to say that it’s thickness, not length that counts, because most fellas aren’t swinging a coke can down there either.
Yeah, this ain’t helping as much as you’d think.
Porn is almost certainly one of the largest factors here. The men is pornography are on the top 1% of penis size and the women they are with go crazy for their improbably large dicks. This is almost universal, while you can find porn that celebrates (or at least fetishises) any type of woman, the man will always have a big dick. The only small penises in pornography are there for humiliation, and even then it’s often a perfectly average penis that’s being derided as “small.”
I imagine it has to be really hard to be a black man with a smaller than average penis
Part of this is understandable, that it creates a more extreme image, it appeals to wider audeince, but with the amount of pornography we consume the problem is only going to get worse.
You’d think that erotica which is more likely to be written by women might be better about this, but I don’t think I’ve ever read about a penis that wasn’t described as larger than average, unless the character was self concious about it. I’ve even seen characters get teased for having a “small” seven inch dick, which is so frustrating it’s insane!
How come this is fucking hilarious, but jokes about labia cause a fucking shitstorm?
What I think hurts the most though, are size queens. Confident sexually empowered women are awesome, but when a preference is expressed as a necessity it hurts.
Women who claim that bigger is better, or even more maliciously insinuate that anyone claiming otherwise is just sparing the feelings of ill-equipped men, or mistaken because they’ve never had a “real” cock, can tear down every bit of work done to fix this size obsession.
And the worst part is for every time I see a woman who points out that average is perfect, that too long can batter the cervix and limit the number of positions a couple can enjoy, and too thick can hurt to just get in, I see someone gushing about much they love great big cocks.
I try and unfollow people on tumblr that post stuff I don’t like, but some people post a mix mostly good, with just a little bad. The other day when I started working on this I scrolled down my dash ans someone had re-blogged several pics all from the same person, and they were all captioned “big dicks are the best friends of women.”
Which besides being sort of an odd sentence cuts to the heart of the problem, I also found on tumblr GirlyJuice writing eloquently her list of “things that are significantly more important than penis size” But for every time we get one article like this we also get a hundred brief grammatically awkward exclamations that big dicks are better.
What’s really absurd about this that it’s hurting almost everybody. Even guys who are seriously packing get the impression that they’ve got everything they need stashed in their trousers. (I’ve known two guys who had seriosly big dicks, and guess what? They were both seriously big dicks.) Guys with average and smaller penises have lower confidence, and their partners aren’t getting the confident lover they should be getting, all for no reason. Maybe the penis enlargement industry is profiting, but sooner or later even the dumbest consumer is going to realize that there is nothing out there that works.
Or maybe I have too much confidence in the dumbest consumers.
Similarly prevalent socio-sexual norms are available for women’s breasts too, just in case you were worried men were getting all the discrimination.
I don’t understand what the deal is about making people feel inadequate because of their physical traits. I bunch deriding men because they have a small dick in the same camp as deriding people because they are ginger/black/big nosed/short/other-irrelevant-physical-characteristic. It’s just trying to make other people feel bad, to feel superior by comparison.
That’s not a nice life philosophy, but sadly it’s quite common.
I wasn’t worried about that at all, But there is more vocal support for women’s body issues, and more people speaking out against unfair standards. There are tons of guys who will vocally proclaim their love for small breasts. (which may not always be a great solution, but there is no equivalent supports for small dicks.)
Yeah, people are the worst.
The tropes of porn are to blame, not individual people who internalize them. The tropes of porn also lead to the surgical butchering of women’s labias in labiaplasty. The message that’s harmful to you, that men must be big and forceful and have tools that really do some damage, is the flip side of the message that’s harmful to women: that we have to literally cut away parts of ourselves and make ourselves smaller and less because our existence is inherently offensive. We’re dirty and ugly and we have to be cut up. Because big women with big labias are gross and wrong. We’re supposed to be tiny and “tidy” and entirely hairless, whether we enjoy that or not.
I lived in LA for a while and I remember all the ads for the porn industry. In particular, I remember finding a magazine that was offering me multiple options of places I could go to have my labia surgically shredded for a reasonable fee. I cannot express to you my horror and rage at that. People in the West condemn cultures that practice female genital mutilation: what is labiaplasty but a version of that? It is not, I think, coincidental that this kind of surgery also reduces sensation and female pleasure. Women are not meant to have those things. I guess my point here is that sexism hurts everyone, and that while you might find it hurtful for women to say things about penis size, they’re not the problem. The system that’s hurting them and all of us is the problem.
That’s an excellent point, and I considered writing a bit about it, but I didn’t feel like I was the right person to talk about it. Incidentally I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time, since Ferns posted this post about labia fascism.
While I’m not a fan of cosmetic surgery, my thought was that at least women have that option. I don’t condone or support it, but a woman who is intensely dissatisfied with her labia can do something about it, but there aren’t any viable options for penis enlargement.
I agree that individuals aren’t the source of the problem, I meant that personally what women say about penis size, or really any preferences they have for male partners has more of an impact on how I view myself than anything other men have to say. Yes sexism is hurting everyone, but I only know enough about how it impacts me to write about it.
I can’t tell you why, but I’ve never really worried about this. Perhaps it had to do with reading The Hite Report when I was in fifth grade and knowing that “average” was only around five inches. Or maybe the issue was that it was always big enough to feel good for me, and the few women I’ve had sex with never complained (they never bragged, either…).
The thing that really settled it for me was being pegged. I don’t have a vagina, but I do know what it’s like to have a phallus inserted into me – sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully. I’ve taken different sizes and shapes and whatnot. Just a finger feels wonderful (heck, just Her rubbing Her finger against me feels wonderful). As both girth and length increases, it changes how it feels – but it doesn’t change the fact that I like it. I can be perfectly happy and ecstatic no matter what size object is being inserted.
The feeling of having a dick slid into one’s body is very much different than the feeling of sliding one’s own dick into another body. When a guy goes in all the way, he knows that’s all there is to it, but he has no sense of his partner’s capacity. Having someone push into you, you know that more could fit (or not). You can feel if they are just a little short of the exactly right spot, or if they are pushing too deep for comfort, or if they are stretching you a bit too wide.
Here’s another thing: the difference between one inch girth and complete capacity is an immense sensation. But going from one inch to two inches…it’s different, but not that much. Length is even less of an issue – small differences in length matter very little, until no more can be taken. Beyond that point…it’s just isn’t going to work anyway.
Here’s the conundrum, though – and it is where my experience will differ than what woman face with their partners. There are some times that I want something bigger because I want that feeling of being stretched and full. There are times when I want it to hurt. There are times when I want to be able to focus on nothing other than being filled and taken. But not all the time. But because my partner is using something that is not actually HER, I can ask for something bigger without implying that SHE isn’t satisfying. It’s kind of a malesub privilege in FemDom relationships.
So if I put myself in the place of a woman where a guy I care about asks about dick size; then this is what I think about. First, any size dick is the right size if the guy it is attached to cares enough about my pleasure to let me enjoy it. Second, if a guy doesn’t care; then it can be disasterous, no matter what size dick he has. Third, since most guys have an average dick (by definition of “average); then it is possible that most women would, from time to time, enjoy something bigger. However, if she says that; then he thinks that he isn’t big enough and she has just been lying to him. So maybe she gets a toy for HER to use instead of a toy for THEM to use. Or she just does without. Because the 95% of the time that he’s just right isn’t worth risking for a 5% when she wants a bit more.
So, in all honesty, size doesn’t matter – except when it does.
One other thing – compared to a nine-pound baby, every dick is small. A vagina is designed to acommodate birth, so keep that under consideration.
I’ve been aware of the facts of the matter as long as I can remember. I get that it should be a non issue, and hypothetically I’m completely open to using toys, or a sheath or my hand when she’s craving a little extra.
And yet, if I could trade two inches of height for two inches of dick… well I wouldn’t be bumping my head on door frames nearly as often.
And low dangling christmas decorations…don’t forget those damn things…
There aren’t many guys out there who don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s an extremely common anxiety. And by extremely I mean like close to 80 to 90 percent of guys have it.
Either they could make peace with their body issues or…
Make a wang job as readily available and as straightforward a procedure as a boob job.
I’m surprised no one has actually developed a marketable procedure. There’s a LOT of money to be made in that market.
I’m not complaining about my penis size, but it would be nice if no one else ever has any reason to complain about my size either.. 🙂
Biology works against this. It isn’t as simple as making it bigger – it has to be bigger AND still function properly.
I’ve read (but I couldn’t find the source so I left it out of the post) that the only penis enlargement surgery available is too risky for most plastic surgeons to offer because their is a decent change of losing all sensitivity, and all for no more than an inch or so in length.
I don’t think we’ll be seeing any sort of viable procedure until we get to the sci-fi where doctors can modify everything about your body.
This discussion leaves me puzzled. I convert 5 inches and end up at with 12,7 cm. Is that truly an average American penis? I’m more used to 15-16 cm as averagely sized lengthwise, European men.
As to size-queens, being one myself, sorry there are reasons for that. I’ll be quite frank. I don’t at all like cunnilingus (I fall asleep, and yes, people have tried who are supposedly very good at it, still no better luck), most men I’ve met were quite unable to masturbate me to my satisfaction even after in-depth instruction. I’m not a nipple girl either, so sucking them won’t get you far.
However, I do come easily by penetration alone and for that I need a minimum size. It need not be a beer can, but yes, width absolutely matters (as this stretches and stimulates all the relevant inner female structures) and length has to be long enough so there is at least some in-out when doing it doggy-style and in similar positions. That translates, for me, into those 15-16 cm length and minimally 4-5 cm diameter. That’s quite satisfactory as is. I’d take bigger and be very happy at it, but that average (and it is where I live) is okay.
BUT… I’d have no problem with a less endowed man, as long as he were willing to at least occasionally wear a sheath. I’d consider him mighty juvenile personality and characterwise if he got miffed at that. Two have to have fun. If that needs a little help then it needs a little help, so what? I certainly wouldn’t be having intercourse and a relationship on top with a man unwilling to provide me with sexual pleasure yet taking his own.
In the end it’s what separates the boys from the men. Not the size, but the willingness to deal with what one has.
This discussion leaves me puzzled. I convert 5 inches and end up at with 12,7 cm. Is that truly an average American penis? I’m more used to 15-16 cm as averagely sized lengthwise, European men.
What numbers you get as an average depends on what study you look at. 5.5 – 6.5 inches is the number I quoted which converts to 13.97 – 16.51 centimeters, which matches your experience fairly well, since I’m guessing you don’t break out a tape measure with each of your lovers.
As to size-queens, being one myself, sorry there are reasons for that.
I understand there are reasons, even good ones. I simply state that of all the cultural pressures to have a large penis, Size queens cut the deepest. For me personally, I would probably not worry about it all except for occasionally hearing from women who proclaim that size is an issue. But, as to wearing a sheath, that wouldn’t bother me, yes it’s a blow to the ego, but when it comes to getting your partner off I don’t think ego should come into the equation.
Ah, then I misread that 5 inch thing, 😉 sorry. It had me puzzled. Nah, no tape measure, but I can judge measures rather accurately. Professional hazard.
The problem is, size is an issue for some of us. But that doesn’t mean the man in question has to feel it is a blow to his ego or belittling him in any way. He was born that way. He had no say in it. I doubt there are many women who see this as anything but a thing to be gotten around in some way, such as by a sheath occasionally for instance, for those who need the extra width/length to get off or incorporating a dildo or a strap-on into sexual activities.
The point I wanted to make is that it’s not some female churlishness why women state they need that size, they have reasons which are no urban legend.
But that doesn’t mean the man in question has to feel it is a blow to his ego or belittling him in any way.
Perhaps not, but one can’t always help how things make you feel. To hear from everywhere that having a big dick is a big deal, and then hearing it from someone you love, that’s going to hurt. You’ll note I said hearing it, because it may not matter how a partner phrases their penile needs, even if they’re careful a guy can still hear that they’re inadequate.
The point I wanted to make is that it’s not some female churlishness why women state they need that size
It’s a good point, and I agree, you can’t help what stimulation is needed anymore than a man can help his size. However I am sure that there are both men and women making claims out of churlishness or be cause they fetishize humiliation, or whatever. I think there are not nearly enough messages telling men that they are good enough, to compensate for the messages telling men that they aren’t.
I think there are not nearly enough messages telling men that they are good enough, to compensate for the messages telling men that they aren’t.
This I agree with. But I think it may be a completely different matter.
As to humiliation – I have no experience with this. I am just a Sadist. I don’t do humiliation 😉
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