So DishevelledDomina is at it again, previously she did a series of interviews of submissive men, and now She’s interviewing Dominant women. I would say that I caught the blogging bug from her, and I got my first taste when she interviewed me.
However, I was working nights at the time, and I got her list of questions and answered them all immediately, and then had all sorts of clever and better phrased ways to put things and I wished I could do it over. That’s often been the case with my writing, and so I figured I’d give that first interview another go here.
- How would you describe yourself…?
In a glib manner that highlights my natural wit and dashing good looks. I describe myself with some difficulty as I do not have the words to encompass all of my awesomeness in anything short of a novel. I feel as if there are a lot of paradoxical aspects to me, romanticism and cynicism, Pessimism and a cheerful disposition, a taste for absurd hyperbole and ironic understatement.
- and your kinks?
I think the underlying concept is that I want to be desired, and I want my sexuality to be not only accepted but celebrated. I really kink heavily on ownership and the the sensual aspects of D/s. I have some pretty heavy masochistic fantasies, but can not engage in them without an active partner who derives pleasure from the exchange.
The darker corners of my brain produce fantasies of slavery, ravishment and non-consent, and it would be be a plus, to be able to share them, without fear of judgement and maybe role-play them out someday.
While I do think that the adult media’s portray of F/m is overly restrictive and more than a tad ridiculous I definitely enjoy some of the imagery, especially Strict Librarians, Naughty Nurses and Riding crop wielding disciplinarians.
Hello Nurse indeed!
- How did you discover your submissive tendencies?
I just said, For me it just clicked that all of my fantasies involve being in a submissive position. My real life romantic encounters might have gone smoother if I had known how to express what I wanted. (the short version is: the first girl I ever loved had traits that I mistook for dominance, but she really wanted to be on the bottom.)
- Describe your ideal partner.
I can’t say physical attraction isn’t a factor when it comes to my ideal partner, but I crave solid chemistry and being understood more. Shared interests beyond the mandatory faith and kink, would be a definite plus.
So an athletic and hyper-literate ginger, nerd girl, who was passionate about Jesus Christ, and turned on by sexual dominance and Sadism. Who was desirous of a tall blonde Christian boy she could collar and spank, and talk about books with, would be an accurate description of my Ideal, But I recognize that that is pretty fucking narrow as well.
- Your Ideal relationship?
To find someone parallel to me, a relationship in which there was D/s chemistry right off the bat, but with someone who was also a christian and encouraged restraint in the sexual arena. While I’d propose if the time came, I find the idea of being proposed to, intriguing. I kink hard on collaring and ownership, as I said, so being collared on my wedding night is at the same time both the most romantic and the sexiest thing I can imagine happening to me.
- You are in a somewhat unique position because your values have led you to choose to remain abstinent till marriage. How do you see your kinks fitting into dating and marriage?
I consistantly worry that they won’t. The myth that women don’t like sex is pervasive, and the evidence against that is women who are engaging in pre-marital and extra-marital sex, and thus not compatible matches for me. I can not help but worry that there aren’t young Christian women who want sex, and want to wait and are interested in being the dominant partner in a relationship.
- What are your thoughts on porn, sexting, etc?
I think that porn has a lot of negative messages, and overall I don’t think it’s a force for good, on the other hand I am very good at compartmentalizing, and run a tumblr of naughty pictures and have written some naughty stories as well.
I’ve never sexted, but I dislike texting in the first place. Did have phone sex once, it was underwhelming.
- I know you are sort of part of the online kink community, what has been your experience? Supportive, informative? mostly good, somewhat bad? Do tell!
It’s been very positive, Though some thoughtless person infected me with the blogging bug, and now I spend entirely too much of my time looking at words instead of sexy, sexy pictures.
I let DD know that I was thinking of rehashing my old interview, and she wanted to add a few more questions into the mix.
- There is a goal setting tool in which you choose a goal to shoot for (your ideal) and a goal you can settle for (be happy with, even if it’s not all you’d hoped). If we think of your ideal as a shoot for goal, what do you envision as your settle for goal in terms of a relationship dynamic?
I suppose I didn’t go into much detail above, but ideally I want a 24/7 D/s dynamic, (with some S&M in the sexual arena) and I want that in the context of a loving Christian marriage.
I had this analogy that KinkinExile shot to hell in conversation the other weekend, of buying a car.
I need a car that 1) runs well. 2) has a manual transmission.
But if I found a car that ran well, and had a great interior, sound system, got good mileage, was comfortable, looked cool, but it had a automatic transmission instead, I could be happy with that car.
There are two problems with this analogy. One, women generally don’t like being compared to cars, and two, sex is such a big part of life that to compromise on something like basic sexual compatibility is no way to go through life.
So, I don’t know, exactly what my settle for goal would be. I guess for compatibility in a lot of areas I would trade having a certified weapons grade dominant, for someone who loved me and desired me and was willing to get a little rough with me in the bedroom. Maybe she doesn’t always want to tell me what to do, but is comfortable giving commands on occasion because she knows I like it and knows it will get the job done.
The thing is I know that there is a good chance, that I might not find my ideal, but what I do find will fit me even better, so I try not to be too hung up on a list of must haves.
- I am delighted that you started blogging. What have been your favorite parts of this experience and is there anything that is different from what you expected?
I’ve been enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would, My favorite thing so far is discovering that I can write regularly, I’ve always had a hard time journaling or getting any fiction out of my head and onto the page. It seems that having an audience motivates me more than anything else. I also am slightly addicted to the stats page, seeing what brings people to my blog it pretty interesting.
The amount of people searching specifically for this blog is interesting in itself, but are the terms that I get just one hit off of such as: “Wicked witch femdom” or “bondage the princess bride Westley kinky” or “shake weight positions” or “baby deer door” are really curious.
KiE makes a good point.
Women rarely respond well to being compared to cars, or houses, or domesticated animals- in fact, animals in general are right out, although, to be fair, I was once compared to a tigress and didn’t mind that at all, but as a general rule, avoid animals.
Nor do we typically favor comparisons to machines, destructive weather phenomenon, bloody-thirsty dictators, or difficult relatives.
Just a handy tip for you.
baby deer door??
It’s going to only get harder to find cars with stick shifts. And I’m not continuing the analogy. I’m being literal.
I have to point out, Peroxide, it was not wise to link to Dishevelled Domina’s interviews of dominant women in the BEGINNING of your blog. Especially when the interview was that one with Lily. That was a fantastic interview. I left, but I did come back. ; )
Wow! I was searching for some material to assure my submissive boyfriend of his suppressed desires. You could be describing him, when you articulate your feelings. He is 48 years old and has not revealed his desires, until recently, do to the same concerns and societal constraints that you describe. Instead, he has historically taken a dominant role in relationships, secretly imagining that he was experiencing that which he was dolling out. I have met several very straight, manly men who crave female domination. It’s sad that such stigma is attached to those desires… I think there’s a rather significant, albeit mute, population of like minded men.
I feel really fortunate that I’m coming of age in this day and age. It has been a lot easier to find support and information that enables me to embrace this aspect of myself.
Best of luck to you and your Boyfriend as you explore this together.