Part two of my fast-forward catch-up series on the past four years of my kinky life. Read part one here.
It was a bit of a whim.
We had been practicing orgasm denial for quite a while, and as my sex drive fluctuated, between meds, being overworked… Orgasm Denial often felt less like something we were doing, and more like something we weren’t doing.
Tumblr hadn’t imploded yet, and the malesub pornsphere had always had a lot of chastity stuff on it, and eventually I got a little curious.
Then, very curious.
Then one day back in October 2017, ordered a cheap silicone chastity cage from China off of Amazon.
It took a while to come. And once it came, I didn’t pull it out and show Chaos right away. But one weekend I did, and was pleased when she was excited by the idea.
Her excitement increased my own to the extent thatI had a really hard time getting the cage to go on at first. Eventually, I wrangled my dangle into the cage, and found out just why this kink is so pervasive in the Malesub community.
A chastity device is like a second collar.
I have a stealth day collar that Chaos made for me, it never comes off, doesn’t even have a clasp. It is a symbol of our relationship, and Her ownership. It also passes for vanilla jewelry. When we want to have some kinky fun we usually slap on the sort of leather play collar that is so unmistakably a BDSM thing that I can’t wear it outside the house.
A chastity device is great because it is both stealthy and unmistakably sexual. Chaos owns my penis. She gets to decide when and if I am allowed to orgasm. With chastity, she also gets to decide whether or not I can even get an erection!
There is no denying or even forgetting about that fact. Even when I’m consumed with work and other life stuff, I am reminded of her ownership whenever I (for example) sit down to pee, anytime the way I move or sit affects the cage in any way. Or of course, any time I get turned on, I get an intimate little reminder.
It didn’t take long to want to upgrade, and for Valentine’s 2018 she ordered me a Holy Trainer V3 (small) and I wore that pretty much 24/7 until our last anniversary when we took the steps towards a more permanent option (we will come back to that in the next post.)
One of the major focal points for chastity fetishism is security/permanence. If you don’t “get” chastity, imagine trying bondage with restraints the sub could just wriggle out. The cage is ultimately a symbol, just like so many BDSM accessories are symbols.
I could have stuck with the $20 silicone cage, but it’s just not as powerful if it can just “come off.” And the first one did, sometime while sleeping, sometimes in the shower, it could come off. I could take it off and put it back on without unlocking it. That lack of security reduces this part of our power dynamic to “cops and robbers”–a silly imaginary jail that disappears if I stop imagining it.
The Holy Trainer v3 Chaos bought me that worked a lot better in that regard than the cheapo Amazon one I first bought. I definitely would recommend it as a semi-starter device. It’ll run around $200, so it’s not like you should get one just to test the waters, but I really do love my HT3. It’s super comfortable and I can just feel the control Chaos has over me when I am in it.
Long-term chastity is every bit as intense and erotic as I could have imagined, it enhances what was already there. There is a certain sort of slavish, single-minded-mindset that I’ve found myself in after long periods under lock and key – it’s an intense heightening of desire that I feel plateaus sometime in week three of continuous lock-up.
However, I want to be perfectly clear that her power over me, her control of my orgasms, my submission and obedience – none of that comes from chastity.
All of that came first and chastity is a fun extra.
Footnote:
If you’re interested in learning more about chastity in general I can not recommend Denying Thumper or Edge of Vanilla highly enough. Years of detained and insightful posts about this kink.