It’s a good question, and bears considering for this second go around. There are a few reasons I have decided to come back to blogging, a lot of it is predicated on the same desire to have a resource like the one I wanted when I was 22.
The internet has changed quite a bit since I started writing. The trend towards microblogging that I joined with Tumblr sorted of just channeled that energy towards twitter and other aggregate sites which keep alienating their users or simply failing to function as users want and while I know some folks managed to keep up blogging I haven’t had a space for it in my life for a while now.
Skipping that for now. Ooof! I knew this was going to be a cringe inducing exercise for me but, wowza this is uncomfortable off the bat.
So I reference here a profile I wrote for Dishevelled Domina’s old blog, which she silently deleted some years ago. (I do hope she’s doing well, she was always quite concerned that her teenaged sons might find her Kink stuff, so it wasn’t a huge shock when she disappeared.) I went and found it on my Drive and it’s a mess of dead links, as my favorite cutaway gag at the time was to link an image to every single word in a phase to sort of simulate the visual noise and mental asides that define my thought process. It will need to be a post of it’s own.
So right off the bat, I was pretty obsessed with virginity, as you might expect someone raised in a religious fundamentalist environment. I do still have a major kink for corruption, it’s sort of the kernal of a lot of my earliest fantasies had to do with women taking advantage of me and doing strange things to my body. I have had it pretty well drilled into me that “sex involves a penis and orgasm.” Even as I was coming to understand that Sexual Morality that isn’t predicated on consent fails to mitigate suffering and is prone to abuse, I still felt a need to hold onto the concept.
My resolve to maintain my virginity would only last a few years, though I have empathy for my fellow survivors of purity culture, I have a hard time putting myself back my own shoes of being so concerned about it. I think there was a fair amount of concern that inexperience was even the slightest bit abnormal. If it’s your first time having sex with someone, then it’s their first time having sex with you. You both have the opportunity to learn what makes the other person feel good and that’s the point.
I don’t know how much better the resources are than when I was in this position. Some of Google’s top results seem unchanged. I know that Scarletteen is still around, reddit has FemdomCommunity maintains a whole wiki for questions about kink and sexuality, but honestly the most influential thing for me was real people taking time to engage with me. I had a sheltered young virgin wandering into the wilderness of what I suppose I still considered “Alternative Sexuality” Pegging hadn’t shown up in Deadpool or Broad City, “wife guy” wasn’t a type in the way that it’s become over the last decade as professional and economic factors changed the power dynamics in American gender politics. And you can see in the comments as on these early posts Ferns, Tom Allen, KinkinExile all were present and active in the places I was asking questions and it did a lot to help ground all the noise about BDSM and Femdom in particular into a real thing enjoyed by kind and friendly people. It’s the reason for my other project related to Kink: The Good Boys Club, which currently consists of just a discord server to connect other submissive guys together, a place to get personal questions about BDSM and Male Submission answered by other submissive guys. It’s a little way to provide some of what I found helpful in reaching a place of self acceptance and pursuit of romantic and sexual fulfillment.
The thirst in that last paragraph, the posturing. I guess it worked, I put myself on display here and I am very happy to have attracted a loving partner, but I am unable to describe how much of a dork I feel like for having written “(or better yet, if you’re a woman considering Dominance and submission you’ll see that there are some reasonable guys out there that would love for you to tie them up and hit them ).”
It feels so presumptive and mansplain-y, I suppose there are women and femmes who feel drawn to dominance and kink without having full knowledge of what that could look like, but these days it reads to me like “You probably never thought of this ladies, but some nice guys like spankings. Nice Guys like me!”
I’ve got to take a break from this, until next time.
– Peroxide (written 12/5/2023)