Dominance and submission are the elements of BDSM I that I see as having the most potential to be an expression of romance, since the other elements (Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism) are more about things that you do or have done to you, their verbiness makes them seem more sexual, more akin to fore play. D/s on the other hand, can be much more ethereal, it can be expressed and reinforced in words, and tones and gestures. In the same way lover’s can express their love for each other, I see the potential for dominants and submissives to express their dynamic, and I see those expressions as being romantic.
Now, I’m not currently in a D/s relationship, I’ve never been in a D/s relationship, so you may be wondering how can even talk about this. Honestly a lot of it is conjecture, maybe a dash of wishful thinking. There are romantic things I’ve experienced, I know I enjoy, I know they make my heart speed up, make me flush with excitement. These are things that I haven’t had, but thinking about them gives me a similar reaction.
I’ve mentioned how much the idea of an ownership dynamic does for me. Engaging in this dynamic to begin with makes me want to swoon, it indicates that there is a great deal of trust and commitment, it means that my kinks aren’t merely tolerated but they are being accepted and celebrated. That in itself is so romantic to me, if I could get to that place, I would be overcome with love.
Demanding kisses. Ferns’ post on this practice is absolutely adorable and exacerbates the frustration of single-hood by no small margin.
Demanding anything really, is a reassertion of the dynamic. My tendency was and is always to lean towards whatever my partner wants to do. Yes, I have my own opinions, wants and needs but many of those pale in comparison to spending time with my SO and seeing her happy. Demanding that we order in Thai and watch a movie is faster that eventually coming to that conclusion eventually anyway, and the fact that she took charge is exciting.
Using body language and touching to accentuate the dynamic. If we’re watching something, make me small spoon, or have me sit at your feet, or put your feet in my lap for a foot rub.
Position me how ever you want me. If we’re kissing, take my hands and put them where you want them to be. straddle my lap and hold my hands out of the way.
Tease me, I’m not ticklish, but poking, prodding and pinching, if it amuses you I’ll let you get away with most anything.
Mark your territory. Any mark that you put on me is going to be appreciated, scratches, bruises, Lipstick marks, oh God yes, kiss me on the cheek and tell me I can’t wipe it off and I’ll probably just melt.
Have me do things for you, seriously any task that would get most guys the “best boyfriend/husband in the world award” is something I want to do, and I want to be told to do it. Want your nails done? check. Pick up tampons? I’m on it. Kill a spider? I’ll call the exterminator.
This last one might be the silliest. I feel foolish just typing it out but, Titles. I get breathless just thinking about getting to a place where I can deliver a sincere and devoted “yes, ma’am.” I’m blushing just fucking writing this, it’s ridiculous.
That’s romantic right? These things aren’t terribly intimidating are they? It’s not particularly weird of kinky that I want this is it? Because this is how I would like the day to day romantics of a relationship to look like, I don’t know why this should be so difficult to find.