Okay, we’ve gotten to blog posts long enough that I can’t just screenshot them. I’m going to skip over the “as close as it gets” posts as they focus on femdom in media and I don’t see anything in them that bears much reexamination. I’ll have to write some new posts for movies from the last five or so years that have more or less exactly what I was pining for
As I look back through this post, I can recall that I was basically just “talking out” a bit of anxiety I had as an inexperienced virgin from a relatively sheltered background who nonetheless was very turned on by a number of “extreme” kinks, and an imaginative fantasy life.
For all my fretting here, the fantasies that I couldn’t bring myself to name, and or wasn’t sure how to explain (things like being killed and/or eaten) are really not that hard to explain to people who understand the nuance involved in fantasies. I didn’t have as hard of a time making myself understood when I actually became involved with partners as I feared.
Some of that comes from writing it out ahead of time. There is both the assurance that comes from having practiced explaining a nuanced part of your interior life as if to a stranger, and a sense of freedom that came from having put this “out there” on the net, anytime I met with a dom, I understood the possibility that they had read my blog and knew these things about me already, which is like going to pull off a Band-Aid only to find that its fallen off on it’s own. It’s a helpful exercise to write down a fantasy as it happens in your head, and then write how you can imagine interacting with it in the real world.
The other thing that help was dating kinksters. I had grown up in an environment where there was little understanding of the sort of nuance that differentiates levels of sexual fantasy. I found that outside of that religious community, people were less likely to treat sexuality as an immutable set of conditions and actions.
Until next time -Peroxide (12/21/2023)