I’m comfortable with my masculinity, and I’m comfortable being submissive.
Ever since I was in about seventh grade and my freshy dyed fire-engine-red hair turned hot pink after swimming in a pool, I’ve known that it’s not how I look or what others think of me that makes me a man. I’m secure in my manhood and nothing since has ever shaken that.
During some post-play cuddles the other day Tavi, teased me about being the girl in the relationship. “No,” I protested, mustering some comical machismo. “surely I’m the man.” She said, “You do the cooking, and take the beatings.” “Those are manly things, Men are supposed to provide for their women, and endure harsh trials to impress them” After that she might have brought up the distinctly un-masculine sounds I let loose during the aforementioned trials, I forget.
But that was in good fun, and really, whatever my position in the relationship it doesn’t bother me. I may not be the manliest man that ever there was, and I don’t really think my submission factors into that either way, other people may disagree. I still like me and I still think I’m as masculine as I need to be. My masculinity and submissiveness fit comfortably inside of me with everything else that make me who I am.
Not everyone is comfortable letting masculinity and submission go hand in hand. Not just Bitchy just tore a new one in anyone that seems to think that being submissive (or even just too considerate) is doing masculinity wrong.
Besides the seemingly prevailing group of people who place dominance firmly in the man box and claim that submission is ever the providence of the fairer sex, there are two other groups that I think irk me more in their discomfort with male submission. These are often kinky type people, who really should know how to accept that the prevailing view of masculinity doesn’t fit and shouldn’t matter.
The first group are the people who “get” that men can be submissive, but can’t accept submission as a masculine trait. Insisting that it must be latent or active femininity, they harp constantly on about the need for all submissive men to be treated like they were submissive women. (Which, you know, if that’s their kink is fine) but it is unrealistic to think that just because a heterosexual woman is dominant she must want her men to be womanly.
And there seem to be women in this group, though I don’t know that I’ve ever met one in the flesh. But, I’ve seen online women (or avatars claiming to be women) that address groups of submissive men like they all share this innate desire to be feminine.
It’s annoying and inane and we really ought to have moved past this by now.
The other group, is rather less galling, but nonetheless causes me to roll my eyes.
There is a fairly prominent faction of submissive identified men, who seem to be so discomfited by the worthless worm, and sissy stuff flying around that they sort of overdo the I’m a man and a Submissive (who’da thunk it?) thing. A lot of Knight and Princess stuff, all purple prose, extolling the virtue of submission like it really is the ideal man for every woman.
Some women are dominant and a submissive man may be perfect for them, but submissive women deserve have their ideal man too, right? And while perhaps you view your submission as a noble undertaking, putting your partners needs above your own, there are subs for whom dirty, worthless feelings are the exciting ones, are they ignoble for exploring things that may be distasteful to you with their partners.