Socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.
– Prince George
Most of the socks I own today were purchased a few years ago when I worked every night wearing a pair of Doc Marten’s. So nearly all of my socks are shin high brightly colored american apparel or argyle.
I don’t wear shorts very often. I really only own a few pairs and generally I wear those with sandals and no socks.
But now I’m going to the gym all the time and I have some gym shorts, which I wear with converse hi-tops and the couple of pairs of ankle high socks I own.
But those disappear all the bloody time. I don’t understand how I do my own laundry, and I’m sure I bought one of those packages of socks that seemed at the time like it would last me for the rest of my life.
And yet they evaporate right out of my laundry basket and out of my drawers.
So I wore my high socks to the gym today, but rather than look like an idiot, I folded them in half over my foot. A little bit of red still stuck up over the top of my already conspicuously bright blue all-stars.
Socks are tricky, elusive motherfuckers. I prefer not to wear ’em at all… but for running… yes, I need the socks, and they are often mismatched… but they aren’t red. That’s just embarrassing. 🙂
This is a secret, so you can’t tell anybody, but when I want to feel extra confident I match my socks and underwear.
I think I’ve been doing this all wrong. When I want to feel extra confident, I don’t wear socks or underwear. Is this the wrong approach?
Well that’s matching! I think you’e doing fine.
Besides women’s shoes lend themselves to socklessness.
Here’s a sure-fire confidence builder!
First, find a horse. Don’t be picky. Any horse will do.
Second, stand behind the horse and jab it in the ass with something relatively sharp (NOT your finger!).
Third, when the horse kicks, throw your nut sac in its path.
Fourth, whenever you face something challenging, simply say to yourself, “This is NOT going to be as bad as being cod-kicked by a horse!”
Fifth, YOU WIN!!!!!!!
I am legally obligated to say that I have never actually attempted this method of confidence building. Furthermore, anyone stupid…I mean, BRAVE…enough to do this is getting exactly what they deserve, is depriving the world of the reproduction of stupids, and I cannot be held legally liable for their actions. I will take credit for eliminating stupids one stupid at a time…
I used to repair home appliances, including laundry equipment. I can tell you where your socks go…they get sucked out the discharge of your washer during the spin cycle. What typically happens is that a sock will float out between the basket and the tumbler during either the wash or rinse cycle and then get sucked right out when it drains. Use a mesh bag to hold your socks and you will notice a much higher return rate.
Ladies panties should also be bundled this way. Not that you’d have any reason to have those around…but for your readers. Riiiiiiight?
If I had any reason for washing loads of laundry with ladies panties this blog would probably have a different and more celebratory tone.
@Tomio: mind = blown
Are you freaking serious? Socks… float away? Again, mind, blown.
Technically, they get sucked away, but yeah, I’m serious. This is actually a design improvement because too many people had to call us in for repairs when socks and/or panties got caught in the pump.
This is literally the most useful piece of information I’ve heard in months. I always wondered what the point of those mesh underwear bags was. That said, I’m still convinced there’s a sock vortex somewhere.