… people have fragmented selves and non-unified minds; we’re pulled in so many directions by biology, culture, outside incentives, etc. But when people think compassionately and with empathy, that often involves treating people as though they have unified selves….when you are trying to treat another person well, you have to convince yourself that they know what they want ….
You may remember my attempt at explaining how complicated my head space was during my first little BDSM experience. In that situation it’s like I’m trying to deal with three or four different minds.
ID-Peroxide, who just wants sex and pain and stimulus, and is unabashedly thrilled by new experiences.
Thinking and Feeling Peroxide, who needs there to be limits based on what physical actions might lead to emotional connection, that can’t reasonably be expected to work out, can be bargained with.
Religious Peroxide, who gets ignored sometimes and speaks up unexpectedly at others, sets a few hard fast rules that really can’t be broken with out a metric fuck-tonne of guilt and angst.
So when it comes to BDSM, I’m supposed to have limits, well part of me wants none, doesn’t care just wants to be used.
Part of me is allowing me to do this so long as it doesn’t include A,B or C, until I’m married (and obviously X,Y, and Z are off limits entirely.)
And part of me knows that I can’t just idly do D, E, or F with out forming an emotional tie, that doesn’t seem feasible in the long run, and should therefore be avoided so as to minimize the chance of heartbreak.
This is complicated further by barely being able to talk about sex with out getting somewhat embarrassed. Which seems odd to me, in many situations I’m unflappable but I have a hard time talking about sex explicitly.
I think sometimes about pursuing casual play, there are days when I really want nothing more than a good beating, but that might just be ID-Peroxide talking. If that does end up being something I do, I’m not sure how I’d explain to a potential play partner, what my limits where and why.