Submissive in Seattle



I’m falling apart at the seams here. My anxiety is running wild and my emotions are overwhelming my ability to stay calm and collected.


If you’ve been reading for a while you know that I have a hang-up about crying. For a long time I wouldn’t let myself cry at all, and in the last years I’ve allowed myself some controlled cathartic experiences. That restraint is destroyed, and I find myself being brought to tears over relatively minor matters. It bothers me to be so far out of control of myself. I’m a drift in a maelstrom of chemical imbalances and there is no one at the wheel.


Whereas I genuinely enjoy when someone else has control, being rudderless like this is unbearable. I can not deal with it and it’s tearing me down.


I’m in the midst of trying to taper of a medicine that was not effective for me, and the process is causing the most outrageous spikes of anxiety I can ever remember experiencing, as well as leaving me emotionally raw, a walking exposed nerve rather than a man.

I don’t know if I can make it through this.

3 thoughts on “Wreck

  1. Ferns

    Oh shit :(.

    *all the hugs*

    You know where I am if you want to talk or rant or vent. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

    *more hugs*


  2. Tomio Hall-Black

    I’ve been in similar places, and it is frightening and overwhelming. It’s hard to let go and ride out the storm when the storm is so clearly crashing you upon the rocks.

    Be strong. Lean on those who love you. Remember it will pass. Cling to that when you have to do so.

  3. Jess Mahler

    One of the things I hate about meds is the hell of getting off them. *hugs* This too, as they say, shall pass. I’m not around as much as I’d like, but you can reach me through email if you want to talk.

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