I’m not entirely certain why, but my anxiety has been pretty unbearable lately. I’ve been on a new medication, which could be throwing me for a loop, or it could be my horrible job, or more likely a combination of the two.
Anxiety is something I’ve had for a long time, but I didn’t always have a name for it. For me This illogical panicky/angry/indescribable feeling makes it hard to breath, hard to think about anything other than feeling like I need to scream or cry or freak out, unless I can distract myself.
So instead of cleaning my room, hunting for a job, registering for school, or even just blogging on my time off I’m liable to spend vast swaths of time lying naked in an unmade bed watching british sitcoms about people even more neurotic than me on youtube while playing Candy Crush on my smartphone.
This may be TMI, and it’s not really related to BDSM or male submission in any way, but it’s the reality I’m dealing with right now. Beyond just talking about my life outside of kink every now and again, I want to make it clear that people are messy. I’m messy; and if you have some fantasy of a perfect slave, sub, mistress or master that’s going to swoop in and make everything better. People come with flaws, baggage and issues that need working through.
As usual, I get to writing about this once I’m sort of through the woods, or at least on a fairly clear path. I’m feeling better the last few days, and I’ve gotten a few things done this week. I’ve written this too, anxiety-and-domesticity which is a plus. Though I still have a lot of stuff to get done in the next couple of weeks, and no small amount of concern about how I’m going to accomplish it all without breaking down.