I’m not doing well. The process of tapering off of Effexor is draining all of my energy, and at the same time my anxiety and depression are riding high.
What really bothers me about being so broken is that my lack of emotional energy, my low threshold for any type of stress, affects my ability to be a good boyfriend and submissive.
It kills me to fail Professor Chaos. Feeling like I am not doing right by her eats at away at the very core of me. I know that most of the way I feel is a result of shifting brain chemicals, but I fear that the way it makes me may hurt my relationship, or the woman I love.
I want to be able to take her dancing, to pick her up and spin her around, to get down on my knees and offer her the world, and be able to follow through. But, right now, I can barely get out of bed to feed myself or go to class.
In the meantime, she has been so good to me. I’ve told her how bad it’s been, and that one of the things my therapist recommended was to find ways to make me feel more secure when I’m dealing with anxiety.
Chaos proceeded to make me an ownership tag/worry-stone and a cuff with a symbol for her on it. She even tightened my collar for me.
These days, It seems like I only feel perfectly content lying with my head on her chest, as she reads to me. I’m so very lucky, and grateful to have girlfriend and dominant so good at caring for her boytoy.