There’s a hell of a question. At first glance it seems a completely reasonable thing to ask, but I think it has got to be a lot harder to answer than it ought to be.
First of all, there are fantasies and there are fantasies, and there is a pretty wide gap between the two. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been blessed/cursed with a hyperactive imagination, but I have entertained fantasies of all sorts of the the years. I’m not just talking about the things that I might hold in my mind whilst performing a “manual override” but also the things that I imagine and desire whenever I think about what I want.
So, if someday my sweetheart rolls over in bed and asks me “what’s my biggest fantasy?” how the hell do I answer? Is it my longest running fantasy, something to which my mind returns frequently? Or my Biggest, most intense or extreme fantasy? Do fantasies that are all well and good when wrestling with my John Thomas, but I would not ever attempt or choose to actualize still count? Do I try to to explain the overriding theme of my (extensive) fantasy life?
I’ve had some incredibly monotonous jobs over the years, jobs that required so little mental activity that I could essential space out completely for my eight hours without effecting the quality of my work. One of the things I did then was daydream. I built houses, mansions and palatial estates in my mind, gave myself scenarios in which I could afford these things and let my mind wander.
If in a similar mindset, I picture a relationship, (including the sensual aspects) without seeking to affect my arousal, is that not also a fantasy? It might not be the sexiest answer I could give, but having “fantasized” about a realistic relationship dynamic that I would want, in such detail… It seems like better information to share than some of my more extreme thoughts, or desires.
I’m new to BDSM, so new that I’ve not even done anything with it yet. But, if I’m thinking about sensations, intense sensations, can I say that that’s my fantasy, honestly? The Idea of a spanking, is hot. I know I have enough pain tolerance to take one, Though I can’t honestly say that I’m 100% sure I’d enjoy it.
What about caning, whipping? I really the idea, of being brought to tears by my lover. I can’t say why exactly. I hate crying in general (I haven’t cried in five years) but, and this is one of those daydream sort of fantasies rather than the sweaty alone-time kind, having her keep hitting me past the point where I’m enjoying it, until I can’t help but let the tears out…wow.
I think the idea came to me reading The New Bottoming Book talking about BDSM as catharsis. It’s stuck with me and grew, and has become intensely appealing.
But that, isn’t a fantasy that pops up during Peroxide’s “special alone-time” much, the ones that do, well, they can be a good deal darker.
Part of it is that I grew up with the Internet, and with it I’ve had access to porn throughout my adolescence, So I’ve come across some rather *cough* intense material. Generally, I prefer written porn to anything else, well, (Captioned Images would be the best way to jump from zero to sixty, but the available content out there sucks) I’ve read some terrible, both vile, and poorly written erotica. Some of it though, gave me ideas, or fantasies that while I could never (or would never) pursue, get me right to where I want to be faster than anything else.
Does one share that? Do people actually go there, when they get the Biggest Fantasy question? I mean how awful has it got to be for the partner who shares their darkest, “I wouldn’t actually do this, but it gets me hot fantasy” only to get some sort of “I just want you to pull my hair” in return.
I mean, the boring safe answer for me, is the overarching theme that has driven most of my fantasies since before I even recognized it. I want to be desired, profoundly.So much so that my love, wants to own me, control me, experience all that I can give her and more.
This desire colors all my other fantasies, if I want to be hurt, I want it to be because she wants to see what she can do to me. If I want to be fucked, I want her to want to fucking fuck me. If I want to be owned, Its because I want her to want to possess me and have the right to do as she pleases, get what she desires from me, without exception or pause.
So I guess, that’s my biggest fantasy.