I’ve been depressed the past few weeks. I’m having what I tend to think of as a low period, which for me is usually a couple of weeks of intensely negative feelings, lethargy, weariness maybe some aches and pains. I’m fairly certain it’s coming towards a close, or at least a middle, since I’m able to bring myself to talk about it.
I’ve written about my depression before, in the last year it hasn’t bothered me much, a few low periods, some just low days, but for the most part things have been pretty decent. Honestly I shouldn’t even be depressed right now, I got a positive review at work, a raise, and a promotion. Nothing is grievously wrong in my life, my only complaint is that I don’t get to spend as much time with my ridiculously hot dominant girlfriend as I’d like (and since I’d like all the time, that’s an unrealistic desire.)
I feel like depression been kicking my ass this last couple weeks. It’s like negative thoughts and feelings, all my worst fears just crash into me over and over again and I can’t think of anything else. I’ve even felt hot tears welling up in my throat, but I haven’t let myself cry. (Perhaps you’d think I’d have gotten over that hurdle but I haven’t, not completely.)
I told Tavi about it yesterday, and that I’d be slacking at the gym. She ordered me to go, and assigned an extra workout for this weekend. That helps, direct and immediate orders supersede my lethargy and get me to do things that I might otherwise put off.
I don’t think it would be wise or feasible to abdicate my personal responsibility to her obviously, still I think having a dominant to obey is why I went to the gym this week and cooked my meals instead of spending all my free time in bed ordering delivery when I got too hungry to forgo human interaction any longer.
As I said, I think I’m back on an upswing, or should be soon. I may have to force myself to do something social this weekend to get back to happy, or at least normal.