Seriously, do it. That’s always the answer to relationship questions. Even in… hell, especially in D/s relationships. More communication is a good thing.
About once a week I see a thread pop up on /r/BDSMCommunity that goes something like this.
My SO is submissive and I’m sort of new to this whole being a dom/me thing, what are some ideas to help me be the best ever/rock their world/please them/”punish” them/ or for things they can do for me? Please help.
First of all, Awesome that you are open and interested in what turns your partner on, and setting aside the fact that having your partner come out as submissive means you now have someone who not only wants to please you, but gets off on doing what you say, and if you don’t have any ideas of what to do with that you are dangerously unimaginative.
Setting that aside, what you need to do is talk to you partner, and what I think the big thing you need to figure out, if you want to be the dom/me of their dreams is: “What do they get out of submission?”
The thing is, not all subs are the same. We’re all different people, and where some are really into certain acts, others are all about fulfilling their partners desires, and others still wildly have different reasons they like the idea of submission.
Me, I want to feel owned and desired, So I’m very open to anything that hits those buttons, dominance and submission are big for me. Masochism is a nice shortcut. Bondage is not terribly interesting. (But, of course if Tavi were really interested in tying me up, I’d want to do that for her.)
I think that once you know what it is about submission that is hot for your partner, everything else should be quite a bit easier to figure out. However, I get that it’s not always easy to communicate these things, from either direction. I would suggest that if you can’t get a good picture of what your sub wants from talking, ask them to write you a letter, or e-mail. Or have them write down a story or a fantasy, or send you some porn they like with a brief explanation of what makes it hot.
Do that and I bet things will start falling into place.
And Subs, sharing what makes you hot is not topping from the bottom (and even that is bollocks.) Dom/mes aren’t magical psychic sex genies. You don’t need to push your fantasies, but sharing them, just putting the things you like out there makes it far more likely that you might actually get to do them someday. (I totally had a little trouble figuring out how to share something, and ended up just texting about it, and Tavi is keen on the same things!)