Submissive in Seattle

Beat it.

Beat it.

This morning I was already missing Tavi, we had a date night last night, but I’m just sort of desperately in need of attention right now. I’ll see her Sunday, but I wanted a little something more to hold me over. So I texted and asked if it would be weird if I asked for an order or task or just anything I could do for her. Her reply was that she was already planning on sending me an order, so that was fortuitous.

I’m not allowed to masturbate until Sunday.

Marvelous.

Both my Tumblr and my reddit feeds are at least fifty percent pornographic. And, and one of my favorite producers of erotic material just posted something new. Ughnnnn!

I can hardly complain. I mean, I wrote up my list list of hard limits, and I knew that anything I left off there was something I was giving her authority over. I even considered as I texted her that this would be what she’d assign me. Still, I’m already… not regretting per se, but suffering for it.

Not to give you nice folks too much insight into my habits, but I almost certainly would have had a wank by now. Knowing that I can’t makes it so much harder not to. I feel like the pressure is building up more than it would be otherwise, making it all the more difficult to resist.

The upside of which is that it makes me constantly mindful of the control Tavi has over me, which really is a marvelously delicious thought to turn over and over in my mind. That she gets to make this basic instinctual decision for me makes be feel wonderfully submissive. It’s pretty much exactly what I needed.

But still, it’s hard.

9 thoughts on “Beat it.

  1. Neophyte

    “… It’s hard,” LOL.

    Seriously, though, I’d have trouble going that long without masturbating, too. I would definitely have to find something else to keep me busy. That would probably mean getting up early in the morning to go to the gym, which would actually be a good thing.

    1. Peroxide

      Not whacking it, wouldn’t be so hard if I had something else I was doing, but I’ve got the next couple of days off, plenty of time to myself, much of which will probably be spent suffering.

      I think, I’m going to get some creative writing done, channel this sexual frustration into something useful, but yeah, I’ll be hitting the gym too.

      And lots of bemoaning my fate on twitter as well.

  2. nagadikandang

    It’s not just that you need something else to be doing, in my experience — it’s that you’re now keenly aware you’re not allowed. Reactance FTW!

    In any case, welcome to the party. Jalan and I do chastity/denial intermittently, though my masturbation is always heavily regulated. The longest periods have been a few weeks, which is a good balance for us between both of us enjoying the sex and loving the intimate control of denial. A good portion of the entries on my blog discuss chastity, if you’re interested (and can wade through the navel-gazing that’s taken over the past few months).

    1. Peroxide

      Well I kept myself pretty well distracted most of this morning and afternoon. Once again keenly feeling the need again.

      I might take a gander just to get some perspective, though it’s still not my kink. I would like to be getting some release, but I do really enjoy feeling her control, so it balances out, just in favor of continuing to be obedient.

  3. tengalaxies

    I’ve had lots of fun with orgasm control every time I’ve tried it (as a top). I don’t think I get the same thing out of it as people who do long-term “chastity” play, though. For me it’s mainly about heightening the bottom’s anticipation and, as you’ve found, making them think about sex and about me all the time 🙂 which probably wouldn’t work if it was on an indefinite basis.

    I like playing the “you need my permission to come” game. It keeps us engaged with each other whether or not we’re together, and has the side benefit of being hot for me because I’m notified every time they’re masturbating. The only time I’ve had an issue was learning to keep my phone in my pocket rather than on the desk at work so no one could see the “may I come now” texts.

    1. Peroxide

      I would bet that this is more straightforwardly enjoyable for Tavi than it is for me. It’s a bit maddening for me, and I certainly hope that this doesn’t become a long term form of play. But there is fun here too.

  4. Pingback: Glutton for Punishment « Submissive in Seattle

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