If you read my last post, you know that Tavi had me refrain from masturbating for 3 1/2 days last week. If you follow my twitter you saw me whine semi-constantly all weekend. Sunday rolled around, Tavi allowed me to get off, and I didn’t die of sexual frustration. Here’s the funny thing, I kinda, sorta liked it.
I don’t really kink on chastity. I’m already abstinent, so chastity doesn’t do anything special for me. In fact, it’s such a femdom cliche that I have been pretty determined that I wouldn’t get into it, that it wasn’t for me. However, since our time together has been limited lately, doing that for her last week was…enjoyable. It felt really good to let her have control, even though I was crazy frustrated, even though I really wanted to get myself off. Suffering for her is still suffering, but it’s also blissful, freeing.
To deny myself pleasure on her behalf, is like taking pain for her. It isn’t in an of itself pleasurable, but it evokes this deeper sort of pleasure at being controlled, and feeling owned. Which is kinda a big thing for me.
So I wrote to her yesterday and asked for more orders and rules. I said that I wasn’t asking for chastity, but that I had enjoyed doing that for her, And she wrote back with some new rules for me.
Things I would like you to work on for this week and going forward:1. Kneeling: I want you to build up endurance in this so you whine less when I ask you to do it for a long period of time.2. Interrupting and calling me by my first name: I want you to avoid this with others and particularly with me. If you wish to speak you must ask permission first. Also, at all times (unless in an inappropriate/public setting) I am Ma’am. I have let you get away with calling me [Tavi] in the past but this will not happen going forward.3. Writing: I want you to spend at least 2 hours a week writing, one of which must be fictional writing.4. Reading: I want you to start reading up on polyamory to gain further understanding of the lifestyle and motivations behind it – “The Ethical Slut” is a great book to start with.5. Job applications: I want you to apply for three jobs each week that you are genuinely interested in so you can pay off your credit card. They may be new full time jobs or part time jobs. I expect results within 60 days.6. Become more comfortable with public nudity: when we visit the CSPC I expect you to be willing to get completely naked in the main space without complaint.7. Masturbation: permitted once daily every day of the week. However, days where orgasm is permitted fall only on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. You must text message me after you orgasm thanking me.Punishments for not obeying rules may include (but are not limited to): denial of the privilege of wearing your collar, denial of orgasms altogether, self insertions and/or excessive exercise until collapse.
I am so grateful for these orders, I’m kneeling while writing this right now (though, I keep leaning on the bed, for comfort.) I’m surprised to find myself excited about orgasm restriction. Really surprised, because that’s definitely going to be difficult, and frustrating. (It’s not like I count, but I generally have at least one orgasm a day, more if I have a lot of time on my hands.)
And I’m thankful to have such a lovely girlfriend who is taking control of me the way I so desperately need.